Losdes Raindes
by Kamali Shen
Summary: She was at the conclave for a reason, though it wasn't the entire truth. Desilinairs hadn't told them. She didn't think it would matter, not when there were demons to fight... The Inquisition realized that their Harold is just an elf trying to help like anyone else, what happens when they make her feel more like family than a leader that had to appear to be divine?
1. So it Starts

She sat on the ramparts overlooking the mountains that surrounded Skyhold, on top of a merlon with her back against one of the towers, and her leg gently swinging to some unknown tune. It was early morning, the sun barely rising over the mountain tops, casting a lovely pink hue across the grounds. She was about to drift off when she could hear footsteps of a patrol.

"Inquisitor?" Commander Cullen's asked surprised, "What are you doing out here? Not that it isn't a bad thing..."

"It's alright Commander." She smiled, turning to him, "I couldn't sleep so I came out here."

"You can call me Cullen, Inquisitor." Cullen said, walking over to her.

"And I have a name as well, yet none of you use it." She shot back, though a hint of mirth in her voice, "So, until you at least call me by my name a few times a day, you are still Commander."

"I... have to admit. Besides your clan name, I am not sure how to say your first name." Cullen replied sheepishly.

"Desilinaris Lavellan. Dee, sili, nar-is. Des, Naris, or Sili will do as well." The elven inquisitor replied, "You've heard my clan name enough. My clan would use Sili."

"Sili is a nice, easy name." Cullen nodded, but Sili noticed he went red soon after, "I mean... Oh Maker." He stumbled, rubbing his neck.

"Relax, Cullen." Sili laughed, "I won't hurt you because you mispronounced my name."

"Changing the subject, why couldn't you sleep?" Cullen asked, leaning against one of the merlons.

"I think there was just too much on my mind." Sili admitted, though being vague, "Not the first time, probably not the last."

"Well, we still have some planning to do and other areas to discover in the West, but didn't say you had something to do?" Cullen ask wearily.

"Depends on who wants to go, where, and what the plan is." Sili shrugged, "Now, it depends on who wants to go dragon hunting."

"You mean besides Bull? You take him out when you plan to hunt, a lot." Cullen shook his head, "At least you have him with you. When do you plan to leave?"

"As soon as everyone is ready that wants to go." Sili shrugged, thinking of _who_ would want to go besides the Iron Bull. Besides Vivienne, anyone else wouldn't out right tell her no, so she figured her normal crew, "Thinking Varric and Dorian."

"You're not taking Solas?" Cullen blurted, but Sili saw him flinch.

"He doesn't get along all that well with Bull _and_ Varric together." Sili replied.

"Do you two even talk anymore?" Cullen wondered, knowing it wasn't his place to ask, but he needed to know that the elf mage wouldn't hurt their Inquisitor.

"Yes, we keep our relationship friendly, but it just hurts a little." She stated and Cullen noticed a void in her words, "He said he couldn't be in a relationship for it would just hurt. I didn't want him to bait me so we just stopped."

Solas had come to her room and begged to be turned away and she didn't understand why. Though if Solas wanted to be alone so badly, she wasn't going to go on thinking that he wanted her. Sili had actually wanted to run off into the mountains, but in that moment she felt _him_. Looking around, past Cullen, she noticed _him_ not that far away, "Cole, what is it?" She asked, causing Cullen to turn.

The human-spirit mix of an entity kept his hat over his eyes, but walked slowly over to the pair. Ever since Cole had become more human like, he didn't hear as much of what he used to, but he didn't mind. Sili had explain that feeling the 'big' hurts as he called it, meant that those were the people he needed to help the most.

Sili could see that he was trying to get his thoughts in order and watched him almost with a smile on her lips. Cullen even seemed more at ease around him, which in turn, had made Cole feel better. Cullen was one of the few that didn't mind the little entity, so long as he behaved. Sili though, had taken Cole in like a younger brother and she would protect him as such if it was needed.

"Lost, cold, confused, hurt beyond the Veil. Why didn't I let him stay, did I do the right thing?" Cole nearly whispered, but she caught it all, "Solas lied, yet he didn't. They are safe, but they are also in danger."

"Yes Cole." She replied softly, "It's only been a few days, but I will recover."

"But you want to run away? Who will be my family then?" Cole asked, but it hurt her to hear him say it.

Cullen immediately looked from Cole to Sili with a confused, yet worried look. Sili tried to ignore him and smiled at the two.

"Varric for sure, Cullen here would be. I don't want to run away, not forever. Just to let my head clear." She replied, "It's like a pent up ball and I need to release it."

"Why not just hit the Iron Bull, Sili? That seems to help Cassandra." Cole shot back, smiling and Sili couldn't stop the laugh that escaped her lips. Cullen had turned and pretended to cough to hide his laughter.

Cassandra and Bull had sparring matches regularly and some days he would just let any and everyone hit him. Though it was a good idea, she hadn't told many of her aches.

"I wish it were that simple, Cole." Sili replied, turning solemn again, "I know you worry for me. The only reason you know is that I let you."

Cole stayed quiet a moment, "Things were tried to be taken from you." He said, walking up so that only the three of them heard.

Sili rubbed her head, "Cole, what do you mean?"

"I can see, but..." Cole hesitated, "He wasn't stronger, but you were hurt..."

"Cole, what are going on about? Sili, what does he mean?" Cullen asked, as Sili watched his hand go to his sword hilt.

"Commander Cullen, you're needed." A scout came up, bowing to them, "A message for you, my Lady. I was told to give this to you, right away."

The scout handed her a sealed folded note, which she opened immediately.

Reading over it carefully, she nodded her thanks and looked to Cullen, "Commander, I need you to send forces to fortify Wycome."

Cullen knew that Wycome had become entangled with red lyrium and issues with the city elves as well as any nearby, including her clan. He bowed, but he leaned towards her before he departed, "We will talk later."

Sili thanked every races' gods and ancestors for taking Cullen away, "I know you want to try and fix this Cole. Sometimes a hurt has to be there to learn. Just being here, making me feel loved... making sure I don't do some really stupid..."

"Or dangerous?" Another voice came from a corner.

"Varric... Why am I not surprised." Sili let her head hit the wall with a thud.

"Hey Cole, can I talk with Desilinaris for awhile?" Varric asked, standing at the top of the stairs. Using her full name, that was never good.

"See you later." Cole smiled before disappearing.

Sili let her eyes slip close as the sun fully appeared over the mountains, slowly warming her. She could hear him approaching and as she opened her eyes, Varric was standing next to her. He touched her dangling leg and the look on his face would almost worry Sili, but it was the merchant dwarf after all.

"What did Cole mean?" Varric stated, getting to the point.

"Cole said a lot Varric, what point do you want to know about?" Sili replied, sliding off the wall and walking with Varric towards the tavern.

"You better be honest with me." Varric warned, "You running off and possibly doing something stupid?"

Sili actually laughed at that, she couldn't help it, "Varric, you of all people shouldn't worry." She shrugged, walking into the tower where it connected to the roof of the tavern. Sili kept quiet as she open the door, but didn't see Cole in his usual hiding spot.

"Just answer me, Sili." Varric shot back, not even looking at her.

Sili walked down the few steps and onto the tavern's loft, but Varric stopped her before she could get too far. She half ignored him and leaned up against the wall, the cool stones felt nice against her growing headache. She knew Varric was worried, he stated himself that he got too involved sometimes, but she felt this was for her alone.

"What about you running away?" Varric asked, coming to stand next to her.

"I just want to get this frustration out. Not just about Solas, but with everything." Sili admitted, "At least he and I can still fight together, but I can see it's hard for him even though he wanted to end it. It's just confusing."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. The Heroes never get a good break and if they do or don't, bad things will still happen." Varric replied, "Hawke had a few of those, but I was sure to take her down the Hanged Man to at least drown them."

"I know that most of Skyhold has seen me drunk more than once." She laughed, "But... I don't know. You and Cole need to know that there are somethings in this world that company can't cure."

"Sili, look at me." Varric pleaded.

To his surprise, the Inquisitor sighed and slid down the wall to sit next to him and faced him directly, "Varric..."

"Listen and listen good. I know you _think_ that no one can or should be here, for you, but we are. I just don't want you to never come back." Varric stated, letting Sili rest her head on his shoulder for a moment.

"Do you want to go kill some dragons with me?" Sili asked suddenly, popping her head back up.

"This must be the stupid thing. You are actually going after them now, just because we got a few from Redcliffe and Crestwood. Great, now you have a high just like Tiny." Varric laughed, "Sure, I'll go and keep you all inline."

"Good, we just need to get Dorian and we can head out." Sili replied, pushing herself to a standing position.

Varric just laughed and shook his head, "I'll go grab Sparkler. You and Tiny meet us at the front gate." The merchant turned and headed back up the stairs, through the towers and ramparts.

Sili smiled at the retreating dwarf before descending the two flights of stairs to the ground where the Iron Bull and his Charges were hanging out. Bull seemed antsy as Sili and Krem locked eyes. The two inclined their heads in greeting.

"The Boss is getting bored. You can tell by the way he's sitting." Krem stated, almost begging the Inquisitor to do something.

"Bull?" Sili called, causing the Qunari to look at her. She tried not to laugh at the fact he looked like a young child trying hard not to break something, "I need you to come with me, Varric, and Dorian."

"What's up, boss? Something big?" Bull asked, slowly standing and making his way over to her.

"Actually, yes. We are heading back to Empress du Lion." Sili replied, keeping herself neutral, but still gauging his expression.

"Truly, boss? Are you planning what I hope you are." Bull grinned.

"Yes, we need to deal with the dragons that are left." Sili stated as if it were just another job, "Varric is getting Dorian and we need to meet them at the front gate."

"YES! Finally, some action!" Bull yelled, nearly running from the tavern.

"Thank you, Inquisitor." Krem smiled, bowing at her, "Come back safely."

"Keep things in order for me here, will you?" Sili asked, bowing her head.

"Sure thing." Krem replied to her retreating form.

As Sili left the tavern, she could hear the Iron Bull heading towards the front gate and a side glance at Cassandra nearly caused her to trip. The Seeker could only guess and waved at the retreating Inquisitor, bearing them safe travels. Sili could see Varric and Dorian coming down the stairs from the main hall and waited for them.

She could see Dorian looking around, "He's at the gate, waiting..." Sili smiled, "Something tells me we are going to be running towards Emprise du Lion."

"Oh great, just what I wanted." Dorian sighed, "At least he will be keeping the beasts distracted."

"Which ones?" Varric asked laughing.


	2. The Dragon

After being slammed into the rocks again for the eighth time, Sili wondered what had possessed her to say yes to the Iron Bull. They had defeated the Kaltenzahn dragon and Iron Bull had begged to get the last one, Highland Ravager. Even though the Inquisition was asked to hunt them, she didn't figure on taking on the last two at once. Unlike the others, which were cold dragons, this one was the opposite, dealing fire.

It was a massive dragon and often called on dragonlings to its aid. Sili had no idea how long they had been battling, but nearly all potions were out. She had only one regenerating and there was only one health amongst them. The damn thing had to be dead soon, she prayed and by the Creators, she was granted her wish. With one final scream, the dragon swirled about as it died.

The scream had disorientated Sili and she, along with her companions, missed the flailing tail which sent them all into the walls. She felt her head slam with a sickening crack against some boulders as she heard the others crying out. They ended up on the opposite side of the dragon's body.

"Hey Tiny, give me one good reason I shouldn't knock your ass out?" Varric growled, slowly standing.

"Then you would have to carry my ass back to Skyhold. It's wasn't that bad." the Tal-Vashoth laughed, looting the dragon of anything valuable.

Dorian gave Varric the healing potion, to which the dwarf took only a swig before handing it back. The Tevinter mage also took a swig before heading towards Bull.

"I think we would just leave you here to recover and you can come back when you're ready. We are pretty much out of potions, barely any of us can walk..." Dorian bit back, letting Bull have a drink of the potion, "I care for you Bull, but you owe me when we get back."

The two men shared a smile, but Varric was looking around, slowly making his way back to the dragon, "Where is the Inquisitor, where is Sili?" Varric asked suddenly, a sinking feeling in his gut.

The three of them exchanged worried looks before all of them scattered to find their missing leader. It didn't help that some dragonlings still lingered, but the Iron Bull decided to deal with them, letting the other two find Sili.

"Shit! Tiny, Sparkler, get here now!" Varric's voice echoed, fear evident.

The Tevinter and Tal-Vashoth ran faster than either of them thought they could. They saw Varric first before seeing their leader, the Inquisitor and friend sitting on a pile of rubble. Her head was down and she was breathing hard. A small relief washed over the men as they gathered.

"Bull, do you still have that healing potion?" Dorian asked.

"Not much left, but that won't help her. We need to get her back to Skyhold, fast." Bull said, walking towards Sili.

"Why is that, Bull?" Varric asked, looking her over.

"Hey Boss, we need to get your helmet off." Bull stated, "You can have the potion after that unless you have some."

"Just… just a regenerating…" Sili huffed, "I don't want to take off my helmet. Means I will have to have Harritt craft another."

"Come on, I can help get it off, not up for debate, Boss." Iron Bull stated, walking over to the Inquisitor and slowly taking off her helm.

"Bull?" "What's going on?" Both Dorian and Varric asked.

Both were silenced as the Tal-Vashoth turned, her helm in his hands, and with the back dented inwards by several inches. As they turned to Sili, she looked up to them and they could see she was in pain, her eyes were cloudy and unfocused.

"Bottoms up, Boss." Bull smiled, holding her head as she leaned back to drink the last of the healing draught, "Crap." He grounded long and out.

"What is it, now?" Varric asked, gathering their stuff so they could make the hike back to Skyhold, but as he turned, "Shit."

"Well, that complicates things, doesn't it?" Dorian sighed at the blood on Bull's hand, "If Cullen or Leliana ask, we blame him, Varric."

"No argument here." Varric sighed, "How are we going to get her back to Skyhold on a timely manner?"

"If we are all good, we can make a run. I think we can get there by nightfall, but I think the camp across the river has mounts." Iron Bull replied, moving so that he could pull the Inquisitor onto his back.

"No, if we all take another swig from her regeneration potion, we should be good." Varric replied, "If we go to a camp, then word will spread. We need to get her back to Skyhold."

"I agree, you caused this so you can be the beast of burden. Varric and I can cover the two of you." Dorrian nodded, going through Sili's sachet.

The three of them took swigs before carefully giving some to Sili, who was drifting out of consciousness. Once the group had made their way up from the dragon's nest, they sprinted off towards Skyhold. They had stay close to known paths, but not enough that anyone could see them.

It was noon when they started traveling through heavy snow. Iron Bull had no problem with the Dalish elf, she hardly weighed anything, but what reminded him she was there was the growing trail of liquid down his backside.

"Dorian, how is she doing?" He asked through gritted teeth.

"Don't worry about it, just keep up your pace." Dorian replied.

"We're nearly to Skyhold, just another few hours. We can find the main trail and be faster. Maybe one of Leliana's scouts can give them the heads up." Varric replied, turning slightly to give his trademark grins.

Iron Bull nodded, only able to give a slight smile. He was actually worried about Boss, as he often called her. Not in part of getting in trouble, he was used and liked that, but it was the fact that she had become part of his family. In a way, she had become part of his Chargers. Though he didn't outright show it, like Krem had stated, the Iron Bull did have a soft spot.

Three hours later, much to their relief, they found the main road used to travel to Skyhold. A few scouts came from their hiding spots and Varric explained the situation quickly with one scout running off. The other offered to provide extra cover so that the weary travelers could focus on running. Offering his thanks, Varric put Bianca away and turned to the other two.

They both nodded back and at once, the three of them sprinted that last half an hour to Skyhold. Iron Bull was forced to lean down a bit as he felt Sili's head begin to rolled and bounce as he moved. She was now completely unconscious which was not good with a head injury and something told him Cassandra was going to give him a good beating if they sparred.

"We're nearly there." Varric nearly cried, seeing the crumbling towers in the setting sun's rays, "I can see a welcoming party as well." He added, seeing another scout.

"Spymaster Nightingale says to take her to her room, do not stop for anything. Doors will be opened." The returning scout replied, "You are safe from here, as we are to return to our posts." Without letting any of the men thank them, the two scouts disappeared in a blink of an eye.

The men stayed quiet, as they raced over the stone bridge connecting Skyhold to the world of Thedas. Without a word, Varric and Dorian headed towards the makeshift infirmary while Iron Bull raced towards Sili's private room. Ignoring the stares from nobles and all, he was grateful to the scouts who were waiting.

They closed the doors soon enough behind him so that no unwanted visitors would be tempted to follow. He nearly vaulted the few flights of stairs to her room where another scout was waiting. He was one Iron Bull had seen around Leliana before, one of her more trusted ones, which put Bull more at ease.

The scout helped ease Sili off Iron Bull's back and onto the floor where a makeshift cot of blankets had been set up. The scout bowed before heading off to find Leliana and a healer, leaving Iron Bull in an disturbing silence. The Tal-Valshoth sighed, sitting next to the little elf, not sure what to do. Something _felt_ weird, but looking around, all he saw were the sun beams from the noon sun.

"Lost, not hiding, but is. She can't find her way, but she doesn't mind." Cole said from the balcony, causing Bull to jump a little, "She's in the Fade, but something is wrong." He added, coming into the room and standing by the desk.

"Come here, kid." Iron Bull stated, "What do you mean?"

"She is in the Fade, like she is sleeping, the Iron Bull. Though, something is wrong." Cole stated again, "She isn't right in the Fade."

Iron Bull visible paled, he screwed up big time, "They're all gonna have my ass for this. I was the one that begged to get the last dragon."

"No, the problem was there." Cole supplied, "You just tugged at the right time."

Iron Bull had to smile at that as Cole was trying to help in his own way. Then something hit him. If the problem had been there all this time, how long had she been suffering or hiding it? Part of his pride was hurt as he was, had been Ben-Hassrah, he should have seen the sign unless she didn't know.

"Did you know about it, Cole?" Iron Bull asked.

"No, it wasn't a hurt she remembered. She is lost so I can see a lot now... It kind of hurts." Cole admitted, but didn't want to leave her.

"Help her by getting Solas. He knows about the Fade and probably can help her there. I am going to find something to wash the blood away." Iron Bull replied, but watched as Cole pointed to the fireplace.

Looking over, Bull could see a large basin of water and a pile of cloths. Turning back to Sili, he noticed Cole had disappeared and decided to work on removing her light armor. He was extremely careful, working from her feet up to her chest plate. Once that was removed, he took a moment to check over her entire body.

Bull thought about the dragon fight, the images coming back into his mind. He tried to see through Sili's eyes and what had happened. Where she was, how she had landed, and could see her entire body being slammed into the rock wall. Taking a quick moment, he gently prodded up her spine and muscles to make sure nothing there was badly injured as well.

Luckily, there seemed to be nothing wrong that the potions didn't already cure, but he noticed her starting to shiver. Using the blankets she was laying on, Iron Bull pulled her towards the fireplace and went to find another blanket to throw over her. Once she was safely by the fire and covered, he positioned himself so that he could address her head wound.

Slowly, he placed her head on the crook of his knee, over the basin of water. He let the water first run over the wound, getting the dried blood out of her hair. After he was satisfied with that, he began to wash the blood out of everywhere. Thankfully, the majority had run on her armor, which made everything easier. The major problem was that she was still shivering and hadn't stopped.

"Why is this happening. Cold, lost, hurt... Everyone's gone, no bodies, but can't find anyone." Cole's voice caused Iron Bull to jump a little. The little entity was sitting on her bed, swinging his legs, which made him look all the more like a child than a confused spirit, "Solas will be up soon."

"Good." Iron Bull sighed, drying Sili off a little before placing her back onto the floor and tucking the blankets around her. He cleaned up the rags and threw them and the water into the fireplace before adding a number of logs.

He could hear someone quietly entering from the stairway and the sound of bare feet hitting stone... Solas. The elf was up the stairs quickly and surveyed the others. Nodding once to the Iron Bull. He made himself comfortable on her couch and prepared himself to enter the Fade.

"Wake me if either of us show a lot of discomfort."


	3. Fade Dreams

Waking in a gasp, a young elf found herself lying on a branch of a old oak tree. Looking around, she had no idea what had woken her. The forest was quiet as she had taken time away from her clan. Many of the men were trying to win hearts of the young ladies and it was just annoying her.

Their clan leader told her to calm herself in the forest and she nearly ran. Not like she wasn't interested, but something just felt wrong to her. Coming back to the present, she could hear some of the young men and hid herself amongst the branches and leaves. Four of her clansmen were walking through, probably to find her.

"I have no idea what her problem is." She heard one of them say. Aranien, it had to be as he was the only one that had that attitude towards her.

"Try not to dwell on it, she will come around if she doesn't find interest in me first." Faeron added with a laugh, but was shoved by Aranien.

"Desilinaris will be mine. She is one of the finest hunters and trackers we have. She will improve my life considerably." Aranien argued.

Sili had _never_ liked Aranien. He was just a year older, but acted like a child every time something didn't go his way. He would also scare game away from other hunters so that he was the only one that brought anything back. The Keeper kept scolding him, saying that not everything was a competition.

It was worse that he had come from the cities. Many city elves are timid or over confident, but soon settle in the ways of the clans that adopt them. Not Aranien... He always tried to be better than the 'Dalish elves'. Sili about gagged hearing him.

"Knock it off, Aranien." Iauron growled as Revdur began to walk ahead, "Keeper Istimaethorial needs us to find her so that we can go. The shemlan lord here wanted us to move before his little party."

"At least he is being respectful, for now." Revdur added, looking up into the trees. He spotted Sili and made a quick motion for her to return soon. Sili nodded and watched as Revdur made some excuse as to why they should head back.

"Revdur right as she has probably already made it back." Iauron added.

The four of them started to head back towards their camp with Revdur staying in the back. He glanced once more to where Sili was hiding and nodded. A silent acknowledgement that he would let their Keeper know. She waited until they were out of sight before she climbed down the tree.

Stretching her cramped muscles, Sili then heard a faint howl from a wolf then a child's scream. Her blood ran cold as she raced towards the sounds, opposite of her clan which meant it was the humans. She was never sure how she felt about them, but children were different. They were innocent until they could defend themselves and speak their thoughts.

Finding a gulley, Sili waited anxiously for another noise. Another howl towards the north told her where to go and jumped into the gulley which was only a few meters deep. There were tons of debris, mostly fallen trees, that she had to climb around. She just prayed to any Creators that she didn't find what she thought she would.

Thankfully her prayers were answered as she came upon a young boy and a grey wolf chasing him. The young human, though looking not older than five or six, was wise enough to use the fallen debris and maze himself through it. Making it harder for the wolf to get a good lunge. Sili used the debris and swung herself towards the wolf, kicking hard in the muzzle. It yelped as it crashed into branches before lying stunned on the dirt.

The boy looked from the wolf to her before noticing her hand. She was trying to reach him, but not outright grabbing him. He seemed skeptical for only a moment before grabbing onto her arm. Sili pulled the boy out of his spot and onto her back, trying her best to get him to safety.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the wolf regaining himself and aiming for her. She needed to get the boy to higher ground and found some rocks that allowed her to nearly toss him above the ridge. With a quick nod, the boy ran into the trees, but she could see him making his way back to where he had been chased from.

Now she needed to get to safety, but still needed to get the wolf to follow her. Jumping into the middle of the gully, Sili raced through the debris, hearing the wolf growl behind her. She needed to either lose it completely or kill it and the latter seemed the only option left to her. Looking around, she found the perfect branch and used her momentum to swing herself behind the wolf.

Brandishing her daggers, Sili was about to jump at the wolf when she heard a weird scream coming from the forest. Before she knew it, Sili was slammed down hard, her head cracking against a stump. Darkness crept into her eyesight, but she still saw who had hit her... Aranien.

He was screaming and howling at the wolf in a demented way before trying to attack it. By the Creators he was a horrible hunter, looking more rabid and wild than the wolf. In his self-absorbed world, he missed the signs the wolf was about to attack and was bitten in the calf and flung by the wolf.

Sili almost laughed if she wasn't slipping in and out of focus. She could hear others coming, probably the other boys that had been with Aranien earlier, but there were others behind her as well. She guessed the boy had been able to return to his family and explain what had gone on.

Reaching behind her, she felt liquid and pulled her hand back to see blood. She was going to rip Aranien's arm off for such recklessness. In a feat of adrenaline; Sili stood, aimed for the wolf, and attacked. She was able to sink her daggers into the back of the neck of the wolf, killing it instantly. Sili then swung and sliced at Aranien, cutting his arm.

"You ever do that again, I will personally take you back to an alienage." Sili threatened.

" _I_ was trying to save you, but you're welcome." Aranien shot back.

"Looked to me that she had it under control." Revdur stated, "We don't need another wolf pelt, so what do we do?"

"Excuse me, but may I have it?" One of the human's with the boy asked, "That wolf has been attacking some farms that last few weeks. The villagers would be happy to see it gone."

"What would you do with it?" Iauron asked, forcing himself not to add shem or shemlan to anything he said.

"Probably skin it and cook the meat for some of the mabari hounds." The man replied, "Is she alright? There is blood on her neck..."

The Dalish men turned to see their fellow elf paling and swaying on her feet, but her eyes were filled with rage towards Aranien. When something tugged on her arm lightly, all the rage left her upon seeing the young human boy. He was smiling and reached his arms up, intending on a hug. Sili wouldn't deny him, but the blood on her... She lowered herself and allowed the boy to hug her around her waist before he bounding back to the other humans.

"Though part of this is his fault, running off, but I thank you young lady for saving my boy." The eldest of the men smiled, "I am the teryn of this land and I have spoken to your Keeper before. Tell her that your clan is welcomed to stay as long as you need."

"Thank you sir." Sili bowed and, with help from Revdur, climbed out of the gully, heading back to their clan, but she made it known that Aranien was NOT to be around her. Shoving him to the front with Iauron.

Aranien was furious that she would act so callus around him. He saved her from that wolf and she would pay for this. Turning sharply and brandishing his daggers at the same time, Aranien dove at Sili, but she was the better hunter and watched him. Even in her muted state of awareness, the once city elf was still too jiggery and moved with big motions, making it easier to predict him.

Sili dodged the attack, kicking Aranien in the ribs away from her and Revdur. Grabbing her own daggers, she knew she wouldn't last long, this needed to end quickly. Aranien regained himself and launched himself at her again. With a quick look to the others, who nodded in understanding, Sili allowed Aranien to tackle her. As they fell, she drove her daggers into his back, but had the wind knocked out of her. She could barely hear or feel anyone around her as she slowly lost consciousness.

 _Unlink any Dalish, you harbor no immediate fear or anger towards humans._ A voice whispered in the dark.

When Sili came too, she had no idea where she was, besides on the ground in an abandoned mine shaft. Her whole body ached, but her head just seemed to be the worse. Sili slowly opened her eyes and looked around, there was some haze of the falling dust mixed with snow, but mostly it was dark. Deciding that she needed to move, Sili slowly began to sit up before standing and letting her body adjust to the rapidly dropping cold.

As she stood, she shivered violently, but pushed through it as she began to make her way through the tunnel. Sili could feel parts of her body protest and knew she must have broken a few bones. Sili was no mage and didn't have any healing droughts, so she prayed to the Creators to see her through this.

As she rounded a corner, she could see daylight on the far end of the tunnel and smiled to herself. _There!_ She screamed in her head, but that feeling was squashed when the _mark_ sparked to life. A few demons appeared, but what appeared to be a cone of the breach, covered the demons and they were gone within an instant.

Sili dropped to her knees in pain after the cone collapsed upon itself. Tears stung at her eyes, but she pushed herself up and made her way out of the tunnel and into the blizzard that was forming on the Frostback. Sili groaned and shivered again, but the snow was only over her ankles...

As Sili trudged up the mountain side, the snow grew deeper and the blizzard was becoming more violent. She had to really pick up her feet as the snow covered up to her calves now. A dark spot tainted the white snow in her vision and Sili came upon a long dead fire of a campsite.

"I must be on the right trail..." Sili whispered, regaining some strength as she went higher.

Hours passed, but the night was just settling in. Wolves and other animals howled around her, but that didn't bother her. Sili tried not to think of her fading strength or the protest her body was screaming at her. The snow was deeper, up to her knees and made it very difficult to walk. Thankfully this high up, the blizzard had stopped and she could see for miles. Though she saw nothing, but mountain range.

Sili passed by another makeshift camp, "It's still warm." She stated quietly, lowering her hands to the dying embers, "They can't be far now."

She _had_ to keep going now, the others were close, she could feel it. Sili nearly cried as her body was shutting down. Sili pushed herself over the next crest to see a small pathway in the middle of the mountain... and could see the firelight of a camp.

Sili fell to her knees, exhaustion finally winning, but not before she saw the faces of Cullen, Cassandra, and Dorian, "There... There she is!" She heard Cullen say, "Thank the Maker!" Cassandra added as Cullen reached her.

As she fell unconscious, Cullen lifted her up and she swore he was hugging her as they made their way back to the camp.

 _You told us that you had just been tired, but some mages thought it took longer to heal your body._ The same voice in the darkness stated, sounding sad.


	4. The Start

It had been a long afternoon for Solas and Iron Bull. The sun was beginning to descend behind the mountain tops. Once Solas had come out of his 'sleep', he seemed to be disturbed, but just told Iron Bull that Sili needed to rest and recover. Her head injury was just one that they needed to watch, something that had not been properly healed in years, thanks to her clan. Solas retired to the rotunda, but not long after Varric appeared.

The dwarf watched as the Tal-Vashoth moved their Inquisitor to her bed and covered her. The two stayed silent, but with a nod, Iron Bull left Sili's room to head back to the tavern. Something told Varric that Bull was going to drink himself shit-faced with his Chargers tonight.

Shaking his mind clear, Varric decided to sit at Sili's desk. His mind was wondering, trying to either write or business, which neither seemed appeasing to do. He heard rustling and looked up to see Cole wandering around, arranging the rug and some pillows on the floor.

"Why not grab your cards, Varric? Maybe you can teach me more Wicked Grace?" Cole suggested, finding a spot on the floor near the fireplace.

Varric rubbed the back of his neck in frustration, but nodding and headed out, "Watch her, Cole." He stated quietly.

As the merchant made his way down, he was stuck in a haze as he entered the main hall. The guards, along with Cassandra and Josephine, were 'escorting' what few guests left out. The stunt they had pulled earlier had made a scene albeit a small one. Many of the nobles were trying to stay around, to see if their Herald and Inquisitor was alive.

He hoped to go unseen in the little chaos as he traversed to his spot and grabbed the deck of cards. Varric stood a moment to watch the nobility, acting as if that was amusing. In truth, it was to him as he disliked most of the 'boot-lickers'. Hoping his timing was right, Varric started his way back to Sili's room, but came face to chest with an armor clad ex-Templar.

"Is the Inquisitor so against being around anyone that we have to play cards in her private room?" The owner of the voice caused Varric to freeze in his tracks, "Maybe I can win something back if there aren't a lot playing."

"Curly, it's just me teaching Cole some more so he can play." Varric replied, "She's just... letting us use her room so the Kid doesn't scare anyone."

Cullen knew, or least he would like to believe, all the inner circle of the Inquisition. Varric was nervous and if the merchant dwarf was nervous, that meant something was wrong. He motioned for Varric to a corner of the room and waited until the guests were by the door.

"How is she doing? Neither Solas or Iron Bull would elaborate." Cullen asked and Varric shrugged.

"Sleeping. I was relieving Bull, but I am trying not to make a scene." Varric replied.

"Come on then Varric." Cullen said, loud enough so certain ears would hear, "I want to play some too. At least Cole and Sili won't strip me of everything."

"I warned you, Commander Cullen." Josephine laughed, walking by.

"Get some practice then meet me later, before we all head to bed?" Leliana replied, having caught Cullen's hints.

Varric wasn't sure if he liked any of this. Sili was somewhat private, even more so now since the two elves had put an end to their romancing. Either they really believed there was nothing there, but innocent flirting or they were good at hiding... Check that, _Sili_ was good at hiding.

Cole had made some remark, but Solas had made the spirit promise to hush and not talk about it. To say that irritated Varric was an understatement. Solas had seem to toss the whole matter aside, but something told Varric there was more especially once Solas had come out of Sili's Faded dream. Whatever it was, the merchant dwarf slightly thought the stoic elf deserved it.

Shaking himself from his thoughts, Varric led Cullen back up to the Inquisitor's private room. Not surprised at all that Cole and Sili hadn't moved, the two men looked to one another, smiles spreading across their faces as they walked to the fireplace.

"You do realize that she might kill all of us?" Varric replied, dealing cards for Cole, himself, Cullen, and Leliana, "But never thought we would be joined by Lady Nightingale, herself." Varric smiled, but looked outside to check how late it was. The sun had finally disappeared behind the mountains as reds, orange, and purples slowly filled the sky. With the snow reflecting the colors, Varric had wondered why the Inquisitor ever wanted to leave her room.

"I do have my wilds, Varric. Now that we have some time to regroup and settle, I think I can indulge a little." Leliana smiled, bringing Varric back to the game.

"At least you are here. I would hate to see what you would normally indulge on." Varric replied. In truth, as he had stated, she scared the shit out of him constantly.

"We aren't playing for real, right?" Cullen asked, looking over his cards.

"Then how will I learn?" Cole asked, confused, but Cullen actually laughed.

"I mean for real money." The Commander replied. With him being more human, Cullen wasn't so skeptical of him, "I need to regroup to earn back some coin."

"And dignity." Varric interrupted.

"Oh, that kind of real." Cole realized, looking at his dealt hand.

"Remember, no talking to the cards or helping anyone with their hand." Varric warned.

"I think I would only do that if money or dignity were involved." Cole replied honestly.

"Then, when we do, you can sit by me." Cullen stated, smiling at the boy.

"That, I would have loved to see. Josie doesn't get out to do many fun things. To see her playing this game with all of you. Especially hearing the outcome..." Leliana joked.

"Maker, I will never live that down." Cullen sighed, trying to hide behind his cards.

Varric smiled to himself as he looked around. The four of them were sitting on the rug, in front of the fireplace, in the Inquisitor's private room. They were actually there out of worry for Desilinaris, who was still resting on her bed. She hadn't moved in hours, but Cole's regular 'checking', let them know she was still alive.

Varric's eyes lingered on her form more than he should have as Cullen grunted. He hadn't paid attention and lost the game. Leliana had won that hand, not like merchant had anything anyway. The Spymaster was just smiling at Cullen as Cole gathered the cards. He was about to hand them back to Varric, but stopped. He turned to Sili, causing the others to turn as well. The Inquisitor was looking at them with such an empty expression.

Looking to the others, Varric slowly rose and made his way over to her. Their faces just inches apart as he checked for any signs, "You there, Inquisitor?"

"I guess, for now." Sili replied, slowly sitting up. To her amazement, Cullen was there in an instant to help her. She looked at him confused for a moment before nodded her thanks, "Can you help me stand?"

"Are you sure that is wise? I mean, Varric only told us that your head was injured in some manner." Cullen supplied, giving her his arm.

"If I don't move now, I might sleep another full day." Sili shrugged, grabbing onto Cullen's arm and pulling herself up.

"Inquisitor? We need to know who did this to you. This cannot go unpunished." Leliana tried to reason, "I know you may not see it as important, but..."

"What do you mean? It was a dragon and a rock wall..." Sili wondered.

"Solas said that your head injury was never properly healed." Varric said, having made the stoic elf talk, "What did he mean by that?"

Sili looked to all of them, confused at first. Then she realized she had been dreaming and Solas must have dropped in, "It has to deal with my clan. This injury will go away with time, but with everything going on, it's taking longer." Sili supplied as Cullen escorted her over to the rug and helped her sit down between him and Varric.

"Is it really so bad that you can't tell us?" Varric nearly begged.

"Wandering, not lost but lost, pride and hurt, why doesn't he like the others?" Cole talked, looking at Sili, "You had admirers, one in particular."

"It's just, well." Sili thought a moment, "I don't know, it happened a week before the conclave."

The explosion had been nearly four months ago. Leliana and Cullen shared a look before turning back to Sili, "How did we not know, wouldn't Solas have noticed it?" Cullen asked, obviously annoyed that their leader had been hurt for so long.

Sili sat in silence, hugging her knees up to her chest. She really wasn't sure she should be telling this, but her Keeper had said it was up to her. The other three had defended her as best they could. Hell, even the Teryn and the other humans had come to save her and Sili guessed that the time had come to deal with it.

"I was one of the better hunters within my clan. There was a number of us, but there was one that we had adopted, he had come from the alienage of Wycome. I was better than him, but he disliked the Dalish ways. Keeper Istimaethorial told him to watch himself, not to be boastful and disregard our ways after we took him in. Aranien was a jerk... He was like Sera, at least she waits for the best time to strike. Aranien would just go running after whatever we were hunting. He acted worse than the drunken shems..."

The words slowly died on her lips and she felt a little ashamed. Though the guilt was lightened when Cullen began to laugh and Leliana smiled. Varric had been laughing already, trying to imagine a skinny elf jumping out of bushes, trying to be scary. Cole though, had a look of confusion, but that was normal.

"In my defense, any humans I had seen up to a point were all drunkards. They would be loud and say many things. It wasn't hard to know where they were." Sili added, the memories stinging a bit, "After a while, he wanted a relationship. I wasn't interested, but there were plenty of other girls."

"The true classic hero, always letting someone else have the best." Varric shook his head.

"Not really, Varric. He wasn't a good person nor could he do anything right or by himself." Sili admitted, "I truly didn't love him, nor wanted to do anything with him."

"So, I take it he didn't care for his advances to be brushed off?" Cullen asked.

"I never... acknowledged him, but there were others that I once liked." Sili shrugged, "But after the wolf attack, things in my clan were just... not good. I was sent to the Conclave so that I may get away..."

"First your head, then a wolf, conclave, Harold, demons, red lyrium, Vinatori, Inquisitor..." Varric rubbed his neck, "You really haven't had time to recover."

"Wolf, head, fight with Aranien, fight with clan, conclave, Harold, demons, Haven, red lyrium, Vinatori, nobles, Inquisitor, dragons..." Sili rambled off.

"Must save the boy, wolf isn't right, blighted or rabid. He doesn't see, he will hurt others, must defend myself even if..." Cole looked at her, stopping in respect.

"You aren't helping my headache, Sili." Cullen stated.

"Why weren't we aware of this, I feel bad that I wasn't able to find out." Leliana added, "But maybe she can tell me once she is better and awake..."

Cullen and Varric turned to see Sili back asleep, her head rested on her knees. The Commander would have smiled, but he could see the tears slowly edging down. Cullen was about to take her back to her bed, moving her slightly so that he could carry her. She started awake, but just moved so that she was now resting against him.

Cole retrieved discarded deck and handing them back to Varric, "I would like to try one more game. The armor is cool, it's helping her headache."

"Cole, is there anything we can do for that injury?" Leliana asked, looking to the Commander and Inquisitor.

"Not that I can think of… Besides padding her next helmet." Cole shrugged.

"It will take a few days for a new one." Cullen added, absently rubbing her arm. Sili was leaning against his side, her head lying on his shoulder, "But our next move won't involve armor… at least I hope not."

"Yes, the Winter Palace and dealing with the assassination plot." Leliana stated, "We need to plan and figure out who and what is all going on."


	5. Varric

The sound of light snoring slowly made its presence known to her. Like a wild beast running towards her, the more she awoke, the louder it seemed. Slowly blinking, Desilinaris first noted the sun beams filtering into her room in the many colors from the stained glass windows. The sun was just peaking over the mountains so it was still early morning.

The snoring hit her ears again and she sat up to find the source, but something heavy was draped over her midsection. Turning carefully, Sili found the form of Varric resting peacefully next to her. Looking back to her room, no one else was around, so she guessed he was watching over her last night.

Desilinaris stretched a bit before making her way out from under Varric's arm and from her bed. The dwarf was either that heavy of a sleeper or was allowing Sili some freedom. Either way, she took it and walked out to her balcony that faced the mountains. Surprisingly, even this high up, it was still moderately warm and she welcomed it.

Signing, she leaned her back against the railing and let her mind wander back over the last day. After the dragon, everything was hazy. Her headache grew the longer she was thinking about it and it must have showed.

"Keep that up and I think that vein might pop." Varric said from the doorway, "Come sit down and let me know if there is anything I can help with."

Sili looked to Varric, taking his outstretched arm as he lead her back to the couch. It was nice of Varric, but something was just making her uncomfortable about him being here. She sat on the couch, nearly shrinking into one side as Varric sat on the other. The dwarf noticed this and his face fell, almost hurt. Was there something wrong that she was afraid of him now?

"Sili, what's wrong?" Varric asked, not moving, "Did I do something, say something?"

The Inquisitor thought a moment before smiling at him, "Just don't want Bianca to get jealous. You were in my bed after all." But her face fell once she said that and really looked to the merchant, "Tell me, what did happen yesterday? Was it that bad to warrant you to lay in my bed?"

"What do you remember? I can just fill in the blanks." Varric supplied, not sure how she would take the situation.

"After being thrown into the wall, once the dragon was dying... Not much. I think the Iron Bull carried me back, but I don't remember ever getting _to_ Skyhold. I can see... feel things that might have happened. Someone washed my hair, then I know I dreamed..." Sili then looked to Varric, almost horrified, "Did I dream out loud, dream walk?"

"No, but that would have been interesting. Don't get mad, alright?" Varric sighed, rubbing his neck, "Tiny cleaned your head, felt real bad about the whole thing, too. Cole said you were _lost_ in the fade so we sent for Solas to make sure everything was alright. He didn't say much of anything so none of us know what it was about. All he said was that your head was injured some time ago, never healed?" Varric supplied, watching Sili.

She sat a moment, a flurry of emotions across her face, but anger wasn't one of them. Knowing Solas had seen those two memories, Sili almost felt embarrassed. Then she looked to Varric again, "Did I talk in my sleep? Who... Just tell me Varric, what happened?"

Varric inwardly groaned, "All we know; we being Cullen, Cole, myself, and Leliana, is that your head injury was due to someone name Aranien. You were awake briefly and told us a little about the incident, but you drifted back off before our lovely Spymaster could ask you more. Of which, they do wish to talk to you about all that and I want to be included."

"Why would you want to do that, Varric?" Sili asked, uncurling herself and looking oddly at the dwarf, "Is this concern or fodder for your stories?"

"Both, actually." Varric admitted, "Though the story you have would be a good one, I am curious on what happened. You basically said that this Aranien was less of an elf than Sera." Varric was chuckling by the end.

"Besides all that, do you know what needs to be done?" Sili asked, trying to concentrate on something else. Though she knew Varric would love the full story, now wasn't the time.

"I know the Winter Palace event is coming up soon, but we need to head to the Western Approach also. Hawke will be there within a week and I know it will take us at least three." Varric supplied, "Though I think everyone would like you to rest, which means Winter Palace then to the Western Approach."

"Either way, I probably should get ready and meet with Cullen, Leliana, and Josephine. After a walk around the ramparts." Sili noted, getting up and walking to one of the doors in her room. It lead up to an alcove where she kept most of her things and a spare set of clothes to walk around Skyhold in. She had been in a recruits under garments, that being a light shirt and some shorts, and guessed Leliana had changed her.

Rummaging, she found one that Dorian had bought her at Val Royeaux. It was a blue green tinted outfit. It was almost like her grayish Skyhold outfit, long sleeves and nearly tight to her skin, but all the hems were loose and the neckline sat between her collarbones, not up to her neck. It was nice and she hadn't had a change to wear it. Changing quickly, Sili rejoined Varric who was now waiting by the stairs.

"Very nice, Inquisitor. I dare say you would make the empress jealous." Varric nodded in approval, "Care if I join your little walk?"

"Why?" Sili asked before even thinking, "I mean... Yes, you would be most welcomed, but..."

"In truth, you scared the shit outta me yesterday. Right now, I am just worried and I am not letting you walk around unescorted." Varric stated as they descended the stairs.

"I am sorry to have worried everyone so much, but it does happen and you all know good and well that it will happen more." Sili replied, opening the door from her room to the balcony tower, "Seriously, I'm not made of glass."

"I know, I get it. You're Dalish, you're made of wood." Varric laughed, dodging the light backhand from Sili, "Where shall we start first?"

"Let's goto the gardens and walk around to the stables. By then, everyone should be up and we can get some breakfast." Sili smiled, opening the door to the main hall.

Varric and Sili kept to the wall, trying hard not to be seen by any servants who were preparing breakfast. The two rouges were almost to the door when another servant meet them at the doorway.

It was one that came from Skyhold and knew Sili very well the Inquisitor's habits. One being early morning walks where she wasn't to be called 'Inquisitor'. She quickly curtsied as Varric was nice enough to hold the door open for both women.

"Miss Sili? Will you be having breakfast here or privately?" The servant asked.

"I will be here, with everyone else. Thanks Iriani." Sili smiled and nearly ran from the hall before anyone else saw her.

" _Miss Sili,_ I'll have to remember that one." Varric smiled as they made their way through the garden and towards to stairs leading up to the walls.

"I just don't care for formalities before the whole of Skyhold is up. Once this place is alive, then all that crap can begin." Sili shrugged, "The servants have enough to worry about in the mornings anyway."

"That's awfully nice of you." Varric replied, "Don't see that happening much anymore."

"That's because most in my position have never been anything else. They know nothing of civility, kindness, and knowing what others go through. Iron Bull really made me think of that whenever things get bad." Sili stated sternly, "I have a hard time not yelling at some of our guests when they act up like that. I wish Josephine would let me since this isn't their home, it's _ours_."

"You walk a fine line there, Miss Sili. No one would do it better." Varric nodded in understanding, "I can hardly deal with the merchants guild and dwarven nobility isn't any better."

The two walked up to the ramparts and started their trek around Skyhold in comfortable silence. The sun was now above the mountain range which meant the stronghold would be waking up soon. It felt nice, the sun and the silence, but she knew it wouldn't last. If she was to stay at Skyhold a few days, that meant other kinds of work was needed of her.

Varric and Sili passed the tavern and she stopped, "Want to stop here or keep going? I think I might make my way back to the main hall."

"You may want to talk to Chuckles. I know he hasn't been out of his little hole since _helping_ you from the Fade." Varric supplied, "I don't see how that one memory lead to that, unless he saw more than leading on."

"One memory led to another, literally." Sili supplied, "After breakfast... I think we can all goto the tavern and I will tell my tale. Though I think I need to talk to both Solas and Iron Bull."

"Let Tiny eat, he is still brooding over what happened." Varric snorted.

"Again, why would he?" Sili asked, "I just know now that to let him have all the fun at first."

Varric slapped the door, laughing as they walked through, "You know he would, too."

"Exactly... Oh wait, we need to go around. Cullen is probably just now rising." Sili said, stopping by a stairway.

Varric grabbed her arm and dragged her, "Curly doesn't sleep. He won't care, especially if that means he can check on you."

Desilinaris rolled her eyes, but allowed the merchant dwarf to lead her through Cullen's office. To Varric's great amusement and Sili's embarrassment, the Commander was already up and looking over reports. At the sound of his door opening, he looked up to see the two and stood upright.

"Inquisitor?" Cullen sounded amazed, "What are you doing? Varric what are you plotting?"

"Curly, I am shocked and hurt that you would think I would do anything that would taint our dear Inquisitor's good name." Varric feigned hurt, looking between the two.

Sili just raised her eyebrows and tried not to bust out laughing, "Whatever helps you Varric. Excuse us, Commander. We are just passing through on a morning walk."

"Not a problem. May I ask, how are you feeling this morning?" Cullen asked, walking around his desk.

"Besides a little groggy and embarrassed... Better than a few times I have returned." Sili shrugged, "Though I don't think the headache will hit me until later."

"That is why we are hoping you will stay at Skyhold for a few days." Cullen replied quickly.

Though Varric caught the concern, it seems Sili hadn't noticed, "Something tells me that between the three of you, I will be just as busy."

"Come along, Miss Sili. Breakfast will be served soon and Iriani looked like she was savin' a spot for you.

"You are eating in the main hall, then?" Cullen asked, but Sili just nodded, "Then may accompany you the rest of your walk?"

"The more the merrier. Shall we head through the rotunda and grab Solas?" Sili asked, making her way to the door across from Cullen's desk.

"I haven't seen Chuckles eat... ever. Either way, he'll want to see you." Varric sighed.

Sili just nodded slightly, opening the door for the other two. They walked out of Cullen's office, watching as they made their way across to the rotunda as Skyhold began to come alive. Soldiers making their rounds, nobles were entering the main hall, and servants scurried about. Sili couldn't keep the smile from her face and breathed the mountain air in deep.

As they entered, Solas could be seen pacing, which could have been either good or bad. Upon hearing the footsteps, Solas stopped and turned to see who was visiting. A smile slowly formed, seeing Sili walking towards him. After their normal pleasantries, Solas asked about Sili's health and other matters. Replying that she was no worse for ware, she quickly changed the subject to breakfast.

"We are all, most of us, will be having breakfast in the main hall." Sili hinted.

"Then to the tavern for drinks and stories." Varric added, "Mainly one about our dear _Miss Sili's_ fight with this Aranien. I want to punch him now..."

"If the crowd bothers you, you can stay up in the rafters with Cole. Give him help if he becomes overwhelmed?" Sili offered.

"That is... very kind of you, Desilinaris." Solas genuinely smiled, "Even though you are hurt, in many ways, you still have the instinct to look out for others."

"I think she wants all of us there to watch Iron Bull, actually." Cullen added, heading towards the door that led to the main hall, "I know I will be watching him more."

"Seriously?" Sili asked, wide-eyed and looking towards the others in confusion. Her only reply was for all three men to start laughing.


	6. Skyhold

Breakfast was mildly entertaining as Sili enjoyed the Inquisition army and allies talking around. Many were retelling stories of events they had seen or heard, many about her. One man had insisted that the Inquisitor was hogging all the fighting, "She goes out, with like a handful of men, then gets to fight all of 'em. While we are a babysitting cleanup crew."

"Well, let her know, Captain Mavis. She's sitting right there." Another soldier laughed.

Captain Mavis looked over and saw where Sili was sitting, but she didn't look angry, "Well, Ser Mavis. Next time I fight a horde of Venatori brutes, I will let you in first. I warn you though, most are now taller than you, some even bigger than the Iron Bull. The red lyrium sticking out of their bodies makes some blows hard to penetrate, but no worries. I promise to let you have them."

The entire hall erupted in laughter, including the Inquisitor Lavellan. She looked to the captain and nodded, letting him know there was no ill will. Mavis made his way over, his embarrassment dissolving into amusement as he neared his leader. The clasped hands and she motioned him to sit in the vacant chair next to her.

"Are you serious, Ser? The Venatori monsters are really like that? Big, monstrous brutes?" Mavis asked as he sat.

"Yes." Sili stated bluntly, "Those men and women are twisted into something horrible... I hope none of you have to battle them, at least not in big numbers."

"Well, then maybe babysitting and cleanup aren't so bad..." Mavis smiled, "Though I heard a rumor that you'll be in the tavern soon?"

"Yes... After the last dragon battles, I was slammed into the rock wall and got a nasty head wound. There is more to it and now, by a promise, I said I would tell an old story." Sili replied, "Anyone can come to the tavern, about an hour."

"I will let others know, Inquisitor." Captain Mavis bowed his head and took his leave.

The seat was soon reoccupied by another, Sili turned to see Dorian looking at her, "Yes, Dorian? You have something on your mind, but you aren't being superior..." Sili asked finally after playing with the food on her plate a moment.

"My dear Inquisitor, you are looking better today and entertaining the masses so soon?" Dorian nearly laughed, "I just heard you were down here with the soldiers. I figured I would just see for myself."

"And see if I was alright?" Sili added, "Besides a slight, but growing headache, I feel relatively fine. Like I told the others, it will happen more. I am the Inquisitor and we are battling a giant, ancient darkspawn who wants to destroy the world."

"Corypheus wants to revive a long forgotten city from the Fade for absolute power, my dear." Dorian corrected.

"Same thing." Sili shot back, "Either way, more bad things will happen before the world is safe again. This isn't the Blight, where it's one area, this is all of Thedas."

"And you are doing wonderfully, darling." Dorian smiled, "I assume Varric told you?"

"What I need to know, but I still want to talk to Bull before anything else. Hence the hour until I captivate my audience. I think he needs to know I am okay and that I hold nothing against him. Can't say that about the rest of Skyhold." Sili shrugged.

"I really love him, but I have scolded him. Took me an hour to vent and another to calm down." Dorian looked at her like Varric had earlier, "You did scare us."

"Varric said the same, but none the less. Shit will happen." Sili laughed, slowly standing, "Is Bull at the tavern?"

"As always when the sun is up." Dorian sighed, "Don't go easy on him. Even though that was the plan, to go after the dragons, Bull got to wound up in the moment."

"If you, Varric, and most of Skyhold have had a say to him in the past day, I think he might just want to know that I am alright." Sili replied, "But we shall see."

The Inquisitor stood and made her way out of the main hall. She nodded to greetings and salutes as she made her way to the tavern. Krem was in his usual spot, drink in hand, but still gave his greeting.

"Greeting your grace." Krem tilted the bottle towards her, "Chef's sulking, has been since he came back to the tavern. You doing alright?"

"Yes, though I think Iron Bull feels worse than I look." Sili nodded, looking over to the Tal-Vashoth.

"Something going on?" Krem asked, getting serious.

"Just the headache. Some found out that this started a while ago, so to be fair... I'm going to tell everyone a story about my past." Sili replied, "But I wanted to talk to Bull first."

"Sounds like a plan. You need anything, your grace, you let me know." Krem nodded the bottle again, allowing the Inquisitor to take her leave.

Sili made her way over to Bull, who saw the elf coming and she swore he visible paled. She smiled at him and grabbed an empty chair to sit next to him. Sili leaned against the wall, staying quiet as she watched the tavern as she had the main hall. Sili tried hard not to look over at Bull, knowing he was freaking out inside.

When the Iron Bull shifted, she finally broke the tension, "I don't blame you, Bull. I know you may think I should, others think I should, but I don't. It was a dragon Bull, a fucking dragon." She stated, still not looking at him.

"Solas said that your head was an issue years ago?" Iron Bull asked.

"Not years, it may have seem that way, but it was less than half a year ago." Sili sighed, "He may have seen or thought other ideas, but it was started by an ex-clan mate. You'll just have to wait for an explanation."

"Why's that Boss?" Iron Bull, turning towards her, his one good eye raised in surprise.

"I told Varric as repayment for the scare I would tell it... to all of Skyhold that want to listen." Sili smiled, looking to Bull, "Partly because I don't want to repeat it a lot, nor do I want to be scrutinized under the advisors' gazes."

"Yeah, they can make the most simple of events seem so much more... problematic. Especially Josephine." Iron Bull laughed.

"She wants everything so tight that water wouldn't get through and she needs to understand that sometimes it's better to have good company than decent allies." Sili moaned, "I hate that half my background is either hidden or twisted just so the nobles won't freak out."

"Crap like that is for Josie to deal with. It's what brings her the greatest joy as you know." Bull laughed, "You run off a lot before it's all done, but she gets this devilish grin after her _wins_ with some of these nobles."

"I bet she does, but we have awhile before the _event._ Anything else we need to discuss beforehand or are we good?" Sili asked, standing and stretching.

"Nah, we're good. Thanks, Boss." Iron Bull nodded, "There will be enough punishments from Dorian and Krem later. Hey, you need to go see Cullen at least."

"Already did." Sili nodded, mirth evident at the thought of those two punishing the Iron Bull. She took her leave and headed for the stairs, nodded to Krem one last time. As she ascended, the Inquisitor thought it best to check in on Sera. Though they never saw eye to eye on a lot, they were still friends and Sili saw past the trivial crap that made Sera's skin inch.

Many more patrons of the tavern saw their Inquisitor walking around and either nodded heads or bottles or saluted. Sili greeted them all with a smile and a nod of her own head. She wasn't into formalities unless it was groveling nobles or wanna-be supporters, and many of Skyhold knew this. Sera amongst them.

"There's you." Sera greeted, seeing her leader walking towards her little room, "Up and walking around already?"

"There's too much to do, though I get to stay in Skyhold a few days." Sili shrugged, walking into Sera's room and sitting on the bench, "You heard that within an hour, I am going to be entertaining."

"Yeah? How so... Wait, you going to entertain or _entertain_?" Sera laughed, "That would help morale, but Josie would probably have a fit."

"That might be fun just to see her face, but no. Just telling a story about before I got to the conclave and my head. It was from an ex-clanmate." Sili shrugged, "I know how you are with the past staying the past, but it might be interesting."

"And you're doin' it here? In the tavern? That's sweet, innit?" Sera nodded, "No, that's good. Let them all see that you are _you_ and can be hurt and be fine, like everyone else."

"Good, be back in a bit." Sili nodded a good-bye and left.

She made her way around again, but headed up the next flight, intending to talk to Cole as well. Varric had told her as they walked, that Cole had been 'monitoring' them and probably knew what had transpired. Sili wanted to check on him as well and smiled upon turning.

He was in his little corner, walking around in circles like always, but stopped when she had approached. Cole smiled a little, but obviously was reading her, "Not lost, but looking. Always checking for others, good or bad, check out the problem, find solutions."

"Good morning, Cole. How are you?" Sili greeted, "Sorry about yesterday."

"Why are you sorry, you did nothing wrong? I am fine, though glad that you are _here_." Cole replied, twisting his hands.

"Later, I will be telling everyone what Solas and possible you saw. He will be up here to help you if you need it. I know stories like that trigger a lot of emotions, many hurts, ones that you can feel." Sili stated, getting to the point.

"I will be alright, I think. Thank you for caring, Desilinaris." Cole smile widened, "It may be fun."

"Oh I'm sure many of Skyhold will be drunk before lunch today." Sili laughed, nodding and taking her leave of the spirit.

The Inquisitor wanted to do a silent check of Skyhold, as she had done many mornings. It was her way of putting her hand into everything and seeing to issues herself. Sili trusted Josephine, Cullen, and Leliana, and they trust their own advisors, soldiers, and spies, but Sili couldn't trust them.

It was an odd way to think, but since Haven, Sili knew that everyone had their own agenda. The war table meetings and requests they all had were proof enough. Her clan being in peril had shown that not every immediate 'fix now' action was the right course. Her clan's future being one of them. Since saving a noble man's son, her clan was allowed peace near Wycome.

A report came and her clan thought Sili dead or captured and _requested_ answers. As her leader had said, her clan had and wanted no problem with humans where none warrant. Josephine and Leliana wanted to send an elven scout or scribe while Cullen wanted to show force that Desilinaris now held. Sili had thought about it and sending troops would only lead to confusion knowing tensions were high. Sili knew many of the hunters would attack first and cause more harm than good.

She had sent a simple scribe and the news was welcomed that her clan was safe and wished her luck. Just before her battle with the dragons, Sili received more news about Wycome, which was disturbing. Bandits and raiders were attacking her clan, almost seeking them out and her Keeper had asked for help. She sent troops, Cullen's force this time and now she waited for a response.

Sili decided to wander down to the stables and check on her mounts, an Amaranthine Charger and a Wild Hart. Many of Skyhold's other residents were still getting roused, Master Dennet including and grumbled his greeting. Sili nodded to the horse master as she went to greet each mount and rubbed their necks as they nuzzled her for treats.

"You two will be fed soon." A gruff, but light-hearted voice laughed from the inside of the barn, "Good to see you are up and about, Inquisitor."

"Good morning, Blackwall. Meet in the tavern in a bit?"

"Something going on?" Blackwall asked, leaning against the door opening.

"Just going to be telling a tale, but most of Skyhold will be there." Sili shrugged, petting her mounts once more, "I need to finish my rounds and head back to the tavern. See you, Blackwall."

"Good day, Inquisitor. See you in the tavern." Blackwall laughed, heading back into the barn.

Sili nodded, letting her mounts nuzzle her a little more before leaving, passing by the merchants as they set up their tents. She slowly climbed the stone stairs, looking over to the healers' tents. One noticed and waved her off, the healers' way of saying they were fine. Waving in reply, Sili quicken her step and noticed a certain Seeker heading into the tavern...


	7. Her Tale, Too Much

"I just don't understand, why?" Cassandra asked, crossing her arms and glaring at her Inquisitor. She stood by the Iron Bull, watching the tavern slowly fill with soldiers and servants. Sili and Bull were trying their best not to bust up laughing at Cassandra.

"Why not? I don't want to talk about this hundreds of times, they all saw me being hauled in on his back, and rumors don't stay quiet. Most know that this..." Sili pointed to her head, "Had to do with a dragon and something before the conclave. Curiosity isn't bad, Cassandra."

"Your definitions are what worry me. I guess then this isn't so bad, at least you are willing to tell the tale." Cassandra sighed, "Hopefully _not_ like Varric; over exaggerate, possible lie..."

"Now, Seeker. Don't get mad at me for any of that. You asked, I told." Varric laughed from a nearby table, "I have nothing to do with this story, so you know it will be good. Mostly because it's our Inquisitor's tale."

"Taking notes? I will compare when you write about it." Sili laughed, "Just don't over embellish."

"As always, I make no promises." Varric bowed his head, "We'll see what the story produces."

"Either way, this is good for morale, Boss. They can see you as _you,_ not the Inquisitor or Herald, but a person." Iron Bull added, nodding his approval.

"I aim to please." Sili laughed, but her nerves were taking over, "How can I even start this?"

"Well, come here and sit near the bar with me." Varric motioned, "Two of your dwarven finest."

"Alright." Cabot mumbled, "This ought to be interesting anyway."

Sili smiled at the dwarf, he might have seemed surly, but it was just his way. Varric had explained to her not long after meeting Cabot for the first time that most surface dwarves were either bitter like Cabot, to uptight in the _old ways,_ or like Scout Harding and himself, just lived life where they were, but Sili swore she saw Cabot smiling when he heard what was going to happen.

"So, Inquisitor... Who is this Aranien anyway?" Varric asked a little loudly.

"Besides the bane of any alienage? Aranien... was never happy about where he was. I know most tales now that the alienages were horrible, but to have someone act..." Sili thought about how to explain it, looking around at her audience, "Like a too proud Dalish living in the alienage, having a surface dwarf in Orzammar, or any noble stuck on a farm. Even when he was with us in the clan, he always acted like we were lower than him."

That earned her some laughs and cheers as many had experienced people in their own lives that were that way. It was bad enough to live a hard life, it was worse when someone thought themselves so better that they made life worse. Sili laughed, hoping she was getting a good start.

"Those are good, Miss Sili." Varric laughed, "But how had he come to be with your clan?"

"He left the alienage in Wycome, like he just left the city when he got up that morning and went out into the wilderness. There was myself and two other hunters out that evening and we saw him... trying to hunt a Wild Hart." Sili sighed at the memory, "With a rock."

Another laugh erupted as they all imagined someone with a rock chasing game. Even Varric was laughing hard and though she had a smile, Sili wasn't laughing, but that faded. She watched as the tavern slowly calmed down to allow her to continue, Varric tapping on her hand.

"The hart was rearing up and I was able to get a kill shot in, right in the chest. That is how he found our clan. Months later, he started to show his true self; arrogant, self-centered, always complaining..."

"What did he have to complain about?" Varric asked, taking a gulp of his ale, "A city elf that found a clan so fast?"

Sili sighed, taking a drink of her own ale, "Everything, just everything. He didn't understand why we did things, but he wouldn't listen to the elders either. So it was so hard to teach him anything, but everything was a competition, even love. I will let it be known, I never had an interest in any of the men. I was friends with many of them, but nothing beyond that."

"And why was that, Miss Sili?" Varric asked, giving her a look that was implying, "Not interested or not _interested_?"

"I wasn't interested, at least not at the time. A Duke of Wycome wanted the clan moved, he had been hospitable, but he had events going on. Didn't want a Dalish clan so close to cause a stir." Sili shrugged, "But it was about that time that most men wanted to start courting and so on. This is what led to my head and being at the Conclave."

The entire tavern was listening now and she swore the air got thicker. Not able to actually look at anyone, Sili opted to just look at her drink or the floor. No one urged her on, not even Varric which she believed that it was out of respect. Taking a deep breath...

"Three of my clan wanted me and were willing to prove it, Aranien being one. The other two... I don't think I would have minded... But I was so annoyed and angry that I wouldn't have been able to hunt. Keeper Istimaethorial let me runoff..."

Sili quietly told her tale, about the wolf and the child, how she didn't realize that she not only saved the boy, but allowed the human farmers relief as well. Apparently the wolf had gone mad and had been killing, not hunting. She explained that Aranien had pushed her down onto a stump. Claiming he had 'saved her' from the wolf and how he was upset at her not being grateful.

"So, what did you do, Miss Sili?" One of the soldiers asked, breaking her from her memory.

"After I realized that he had busted my head open, I lunged and killed the wolf that now had him by the calf. Then I swung at Aranien, cutting his arm and threatening to take him back to the alienage..." Sili stated, almost ashamed.

"You should have, an elder in the alienage would have tanned his hide!" A elven woman yelled, earning laughs all around the bar.

"What did you do?" Sera asked, a smile on her face, "Drag him back by his ear?"

Sili sighed, "He attacked me again." She heard the gasps and groans, "And I stabbed him."

A silence fell upon the tavern as what she said sunk in and even Varric was just staring at her in disbelief. Desilinaris Lavellan had no idea what anyone was thinking of her at that moment, but she knew that they had a right to know. She wasn't some graceful, forgiving, and understanding Herald...

"He attacked you, knowing you were hurt and you still managed to kill him, how?" Varric asked what the entire tavern was thinking.

"I let him tackle me and drove my daggers into his back." Sili replied quietly, "The wind was knocked out of me and I lost consciousness, but the others told me later what happened."

When Sili didn't go on, Varric nudged her, "And... What happened?"

Sili sat in silence, but tears were forming in the brims of her eyes, "I was sent to the conclave."

No one spoke a word, no one had ever seen their Inquisitor so broken down. The Breach had destroyed many lives, changed the world, and she had been in the center, strong as ever. Gentle or demanding as needed, but never cruel. She had to be fair, keep an open mind with who was around or what she did, but no one had ever seen this side of her.

Sili had kept this from everyone, crying only at night. If any patrol had heard, none had said anything of it. Their Inquisitor was lost and looked more like a scared child and part of her knew that this could be used against her, but she really could care less. If anything, it would make _her_ soldiers that much stronger, respect everything that much more.

Looking up, she noticed not one angry, not one annoyed look. If it wasn't near blank like Sera or the Iron Bull, it was saddened like Varric or Cassandra. Most of the patrons had sympatric or even shocked expressions and she knew she owed them all something.

"I was told that after I pulled my daggers out and lost consciousness, Aranien went into a rampage. He was angry that the clan would do that to him, that we would sabotage him and deny him a life. He tried to come at me again and Revdur, one of my friends, defended me. Revdur kicked him hard enough that he probably broke a rib or two. Aranien ran off and bled out somewhere, but Revdur and I were... punished either way."

Sili had been looking into her mug, but shot up when she heard the angry gasps. Apparently, many did not like the idea. She took a glance at Sera who, not to her surprise, looked like she was fuming. Cassandra and Iron Bull had mixed emotions, while Varric was silent. Which meant he was just as furious as Sera.

"What was the punishment?" Sera asked through her gritted teeth and Sili heard murmuring from the other patrons in the tavern.

"We were sent to the Conclave, spying if nothing else. Seeing what was going on and how it may affect our clans." Sili admitted, "But a sister of the Chantry saw us and invited us as guests. I never got her name."

"Do... do you know if she survived, if Revdur...?" Cassandra asked hesitantly.

"Neither survived. I didn't say anything, but I saw their bodies the first time we went to seal the breach. Revdur was trying to protect the sister." Sili replied, trying hard for the memory not to surface, "That's how this all started, me getting into a fight."

"And that differs from now how, Boss?" The Iron Bull asked, causing the tavern to erupt in laughter again, "The only difference is that _we_ like that. Thanks for the story, better than Varric's!"

"I would like to do this, ya know, a tavern visit before you head out, Inky." Sera said, having come down from the second floor, "This is way better, innit?"

"Yes, Sera… Get trashed before a long outing is just a way to rally the troops." Sili smiled.

"To the Inquisitor!" Maryden yelled, raising her mug.

"To the Inquisitor!" The tavern boomed with all patrons raising their own mugs and glasses.

"To the Inquisition, to closing the Breach, to us all." Sili replied, raising her own mug as the entire place took a drink at once.

As the tavern, led by Maryden, starting to sing, Sili just huffed a laugh before turning to face the bar and Cabot. The dwarf was nodding an approval, but his expression told her something different.

"Rest your head, Inquisitor. Looks like you overdid it." Cabot whispered, sliding her drink away, "Be right back."

Cabot walked from the bar and Sili took his suggestion, lying her head down on her crossed arms. She really didn't feel bad, but her headache hadn't gone away either and she knew she needed to get back to her private quarters and rest. Maybe the advisors were right and she needed to stay within Skyhold for a few days at least.

Sili hadn't realized she closed her eyes until she felt someone rubbing her back, calling her name quietly under all the singing. Slowly rising, she turned to where Varric was, but he facing her.

"Shit, Miss Sili. You okay?" Varric hissed.

"Inquisitor, Sili?" The voice belonged to Cullen, "Come on, you need to rest."

It took longer than Cullen liked for her to process what he had said and nod a reply, but he now understood why Varric was worried. He thanked the Maker that Cabot had come to him discreetly, letting him know that their Inquisitor needed some help. Though it wouldn't matter now at the state she was in. In the few minutes since her story ended, she was now pale and her eyes were growing dark.

Sili _looked_ horrible and could only guess that she wasn't feeling any better. She turned around in her seat, now facing Cullen and the tavern and he knew something was wrong. Even Varric was trying to convince her that she needed to leave. Sili began to breath heavier as a, what Cullen would describe as frightened, glaze tinted her eyes.

With her shaking and sweating, the Commander knew that she had just overdone things. One thing he hoped she wouldn't do… causing his heart to start racing. He didn't care what anyone thought or said, but he wouldn't sacrifice her just to gain some imaginary ground, like the other two swore they, the Inquisition, needed.

"Something's wrong…" Sili was nearly crying as Cullen eased her away from her seat and out of the bar.

"You've pushed yourself too far." Cullen replied quietly, "We'll just get you back to your quarters so that you can rest."

Sili looked up to Cullen to reply, but as she did, his heart nearly stopped when her eyes rolled back and she fell. Cullen was able to react fast enough and save her from her slamming onto the ground. Without a word or another thought, the Commander scooped Sili into his arms and ran to the healers below.

 _Maker, preserve her…_


	8. Getting Out

Sili waited by the main entrance of Skyhold, her foot tapping the wall. It had been a week since she passed out, making that day scary for Skyhold. Sili had pushed herself with just being up, retelling her stories, and no one knew if she would have survived the night. She only guessed at the panic everyone had been in, especially Cullen. Her lips tinted into a smile at the memories with Cullen and the past week.

After the healers allowed her to recover in her private quarters, Cullen had stayed nearly four days. He had laid in her bed with her, making sure that nothing happened at night. Though Sili swore he must have been in full armor, for what reason she would never know. Cullen nearly refused to talk about any of it so Sili had asked the Iron Bull and Varric when they relieved Cullen.

Iron Bull told her about the tavern, how everyone had seen her fall just outside the door and Cullen running to the healers. He had explained that many of the soldiers blamed themselves, thinking Sili had pushed herself her them. On a good note, it made them respect her more, so Iron Bull claimed.

Varric told her of everyone else, mainly the nobles. How they were divided in gossip and rumors. Some were saying that this was a ploy to gain sympathy and in so, gain power. Others complained that the Inquisition overall was too demanding of their people if the Inquisitor was falling from exhaustion. He apologized that none of them, the nobles, seemed concerned for her alone.

Though she couldn't help it, she had lashed out at Leliana and Josephine, claiming they only cared about the Inquisition's reputation. If that was what the nobles were thinking, it was because of those two telling everyone so. Sili regretting the words once they left her mouth, but neither woman seemed to take it to heart.

Shrugging off the past, she needed to be in the present as she readied herself to be the Inquisitor again. It was time to head to the Western Approach, meet up with Hawke, and find out more of what the Wardens were up to. After the week she had, Sili was going stir crazy, but she would miss the company.

Hearing footsteps, Sili turned to see Varric walking towards her, Bianca primed. Knowing what and who was involved, Sili wasn't surprised he was the first to show. He looked up from polishing a part of his crossbow and graced her with a huge smile.

"Miss Sili, it's good to see you out and about." Varric joked, "At least, out of your room."

"I felt like a child, Varric." Sili whined, "It was so hard not to just sneak out and run off."

"I commend you for keeping it together, but at least we can go back to getting things done." Varric laughed, "Who else is going to join us?"

Sili shrugged, "I let you all know and said the first three that showed were going with me. I just know Vivianne wasn't going so that she and Josephine could prepare for the Winter Palace. Oh look, more visitors."

Varric turned to see Solas, Dorian, Iron Bull, and Blackwall heading their way. Behind them was a confused, but irritated looking Commander. Sili saw him too and looked to Varric in surprise.

"Knowing Curly, he wants you to reconsider, be careful, that sort of thing... I hope." Varric shrugged before whispering, "You know better than anyone at how worried he's been."

"Yes, I know, but still... I just want to get going." Sili whispered back, "The sooner the better."

"My, my, our dear Inquisitor is up and about, and the first in line." Dorian joked.

"I'm surprised we don't have to catch up with her on the road."Iron Bull added, "Mornin' Boss."

"I only need three, er two more volunteers." Sili said, ignoring the two lovers.

"We've received reports about more Venatori and Grey Warden activity, as well as weather." Cullen stated, "There will be more soldiers going as well, but I, uh we wanted more going with you."

Sili shot Cullen a confused looked, but shrugged before turning to her left, "Cole? Are you going with us as well?"

In a blink, Cole stood next to Sili, eyes downcast, "Yes, I would like to go as well."

"Then it's settled. Can we go now?" Sili asked, crossing her arms, "We have a long way to go."

"Are we walking or riding?" Blackwall asked, looking around.

"I have Master Dennit bringing some horses around." Sili replied, "Once we get to camp, we have to walk or try to around the desert."

"I know Hawke will be waiting and I don't want to keep her anymore than she probably will be." Varric added, "She's growly enough as it is."

"You almost sound scared of your friend." Dorian teased.

"If you only knew, Sparkler." Varric replied.

The horses soon arrived, but the Dennit could only spare four, which Sili was quick to pair everyone up. Putting Varric with her, Solas and Cole, and allowing the last three to figure something out. Dorian sided with Blackwall, wanting not to over tax a horse, which lead to a few jabs and jokes. Sili tried to hide her amusement, but gave the signal to head out.

Turning back to glance at Skyhold to watch the sun rise behind it, she saw Cullen still standing there, watching them. She waved to him before urging her horse to gallop, as it would take at least three days to get to the Western Approach. Sili wanted to get there as soon as possible, but mostly to get away from Skyhold.

Sili felt weird around the Commander now, like something was different. She hoped it was just nerves getting the better of them and that some time away would do everyone some good. Sili prayed to whoever would listen to make this an easy adventure as she had the Winter Palace when she returned.

"Varric, I want a new nickname." Dorian's voice shook her from her thoughts. Looking around, Dorian and Blackwall were riding up next to her and Varric.

"What's wrong with Sparkler?" Varric asked with a chuckle, "Not colorful enough for you?"

"You must know me better now. Or does the moniker you gave me five minutes after we met still apply?" Dorian sighed.

"I have the eyes of a story teller. It's a gift." Varric shrugged.

"Or a curse, depending on the situation." Blackwall added with grunt of a laugh.

"So... I'm a big of light you stick in a window sill to impress passersby?" Dorian stroked his mustache, "All flash, no heat? Hmm... That's actually pretty clever."

"I like the flash." Iron Bull added.

"See? Embrace your place in the universe, Sparkler." Varric laughed.

Sili's mind drifted, but not onto any subject. It was like she was wading down a stream, barely able to see or hear anything around her. Unless the others were oblivious to her, they weren't saying anything as they talked about anything that came to mind. She was mostly surprised by how civil they were being. Shrugging, Sili kept them on main roads, being the fastest route with their horses.

When the sun began to disappear, the group had traveled as far as the Exalted Plains, which meant to Sili that they were making good time. Solas suggested to rest at a camp that the Inquisition had set up the first time they had ventured there. It was already prepared and with scouts, which meant that the group could all rest properly.

Sili protested at first, but the others could hear her slurring her words which meant she was pushing herself to far. Varric quietly convinced Sili that this was the better option and lead the horse towards the encampment. There were only a handful of soldiers about, but they quickly acknowledged the Inquisitor's party and allowed them the tents they needed. Thanking the scouts, the group began to dismount and prepare for the night.

"Blackwall and I will take watch over her." Varric whispered to the others, "I know Cole and Solas can _check_ on her as well."

"I will try and keep us quiet as well." Dorian replied, he and Bull sharing a tent.

"I make no promises, nor should you." Iron Bull laughed, causing Dorian's cheeks to redden a little, "But if you need a hand, let me know and I can watch the Inquisitor, too."

"I am not a fucking child." Sili whispered harshly, not wanting the soldiers to hear them, "Keep this up and I will disappear and go without you."

"Be still, Desilinairs." Solas stated, getting her attention, "We mean no ill will or insult towards you, but we _do_ have just cause to be cautious." He added, gripping her arm to reassure her.

Sili sighed and shook herself of Solas, but headed towards a tent, "Sorry and good night." She stated simply.

Solas waiting until she was in the tent before turning to the others. Since they were there, he wanted to visit the death site of his spirit friend since they were nearby and Cole was going with him. They promised to be back and ready to go in the morning. Iron Bull and Dorian gathered wood to make a small fire, none of them were exactly tired yet.

Once the fire was roaring to life, Blackwall produced some fish that he and the soldiers had caught, "I only got enough for us. I know Cole doesn't eat and I have never seen Solas eat."

"He lives off the Fade and air, Blackwall. I'm sure Chuckles will be fine." Varric grunted, "Save a share for her, though."

"I planned on it." Blackwall smiled, before the group fell into a comfortable silence.

Not ten minutes later, Sili lightly stumbled out of the tent, looking at all of them oddly, "What are you all doing up so early?"

"My dear, have you ever known me to be up before anyone else?" Dorian laughed, while the others did their best to hide their growing smiles.

"No, that's what is disturbing." She added, walking towards them and rubbing her head.

"Still have a headache, Boss?" Iron Bull asked, "Here, drink this then eat something. It will help. Krem makes it and it helps with all aches."

Before she knew it, Blackwall was next to her, holding on to her arm and waist. He helped her sit between himself and Varric.

"Inquisitor Sili?" Blackwall asked, "You are tired, what made you get up?"

"The smell…" Sili replied, her words slurring. Her stomach rumbled soon after, her cheeks growing in a light shade of red.

"Well, drink this then you can have something to eat." Iron Bull stated, handing her a bottle.

Sili eyed Bull, but quickly gulped down the potion. She shivered at the taste before being rewarded with a small plate of food. She stayed eerily quiet as she ate with the others, but only finished half her plate and handed it back to Iron Bull.

"Go back to bed, Boss. We aren't far behind." Bull said, "Blackwall…"

"On it. Come on, I'll help you." Blackwall said, helping Sili stand.

"This fucking sucks…" Sili growled, letting Blackwall lead.

"I know, but you'll be better in the morning." He said with a smile.

He helped her into the tent and removed some of her arms and leg armor before she laid down on her stomach, falling asleep instantly. Blackwall watched her a moment, making sure their Inquisitor was sleeping peacefully before rejoining the others.

"What was in that, Bull?" Blackwall asked.

"Sleeping drought mixed with some healing herbs." The Tal-Vashoth shrugged, "It will help her."

"We know Tiny… doesn't make this any easier." Varric sighed.

"Cullen tried to get her to stay, maybe we should have tried harder as well?" Dorian asked.

"Nah, she was bound to get out. This way, we have her back and she isn't alone somewhere." Bull replied with a laugh, "Though, watching Josephine freak about that might be fun."

"Josephine gets in tizzies just _thinking_ about things that could go wrong. That would surely make her lose her hair." Dorian added.

"We best finish, she'll probably want to head out at first light." Varric added."

"So is it true that the Knight Commander of Kirkwall became a ... statue?" Blackwall asked, having that on his mind awhile.

"One hundred percent true." Varric shrugged, "She is still bringing an extra level of horror to the Gallows." He added, waving his fingers.

"You mean… they haven't moved her?" Blackwall asked, helping clean up.

"Well, if they did that, then the children could play, 'Who is brave enough to poke Meredith?'." Varric replied and Blackwall waited for the merchant dwarf to laugh or make some joke.

"They… they don't really do that, do they?" Blackwall asked when Varric didn't continue.

"No, no one is brave enough to poke Meredith… I'll take first watch over Sili." Varric walked into the tent to a sleeping Inquisitor, but he could see the tears slowly falling from her closed eyes, "Shit…"


	9. Camp and Feelings

There was nothing. Even the quiet weighted on her, but Sili welcomed the darkness of her dreams. Where she felt like she was floating down a soft stream and, thanks to the Creators, this was one such night. Though there seemed to be another presence. It was a weird feeling, like a hunter waiting for prey and the prey could smell the hunter.

Slowly opening her eyes, Sili found herself by the elven caravan in the Exalted Plains, where she _was_ floating down the stream. Though she didn't know how, she knew where she would end up, the site where the spirit had been twisted. Sili allowed the dream, the stream, and whatever hand was guiding this vision to take her from the mouth of the stream and over to the beach.

There, she could see the two forms of Cole and Solas. Cole noticed her and appeared next to her in a blink, helping her rise from the waters. Cole smiled to her as he escorted her over to where Solas sat. He looked to be in some prayer or chant and she stood quietly next to Cole. Maybe the time away from Skyhold hadn't been enough.

"He thought it best to cleanse the area here in the Fade in case any other spirits get trapped." Cole whispered.

"Good idea." Sili nodded, "May I ask why I am here?"

"You were pulled from your dream, for that I am sorry." Solas stated, slowly standing.

"Don't worry about it, I'm sure I will be woken by our companions soon enough." Sili stated.

"Blackwall and Varric or by our odd couple?" Solas asked.

"You know that we are all odd?" Sili replied, "It would be from those two anyway. I believe the odd couple were... too busy to be bothered."

"It is remarkable, is it? That love can bloom so easily now. Even supposed enemies can find love is such times." Solas smiled.

"Or whither." Cole replied, looking to Sili, "It still hurts, but something else is trying to grow."

"Cole..." Sili warned, "Not now."

She was looking at Cole, but could see Solas just behind him. For a moment, his face fell before going back to his normal stoic look. He was such an enigma, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to solve that puzzle. He wanted to keep to himself, so be it.

Sili felt uncomfortable and began to walk away, she wasn't going to have one of the few relaxing nights be tainted this way. She waded back into the stream, ignoring Cole and Solas as she allowed the current to take her. Sili wanted, and needed, to rest before they headed out into the desert. Unfortunately, her mind couldn't get comfortable and Sili knew she would need to wake up and readjust herself...

"Alright, worst thing you've ever eaten?" A hushed voice broke through her sleep, "I had this imported ham from Anderfels once. It tasted like despair, literally." She could _hear_ the dwarf shiver.

"But you probably got to wash it down with an expensive wine." A gruff voice replied, "Mine was two year old hard tack. You can't scrape off the blue anymore. You just try not to look, but I've got one for you. Best tavern name you've ever seen. I'm torn between 'The Bed and Bucket' and 'The Bottom of the Barrel'."

"Oh, that's a tough one. I think I have to go with 'The Neighbour's House'. For sheer balls."

"Ya know, sometimes I'm glad to be Dalish and never have to 'discover' these places." Sili sighed as she pushed herself up, "Though, I am almost curious to allow one of you to escort me."

"Miss Sili, it would be my honor to take you to the Hanged Man." Varric smiled, "By the way, how are you doing?"

"As good as probably expected." Sili shrugged, "What time is it?"

"The sun's been down around an hour now. You've been asleep for just a few hours, though." Blackwall replied, "Do you require anything?"

"No, just that we all get some rest. The Western Approach is going to be tough, I can tell." Sili stretched, finding a new spot to be comfortable, "I read up on codex already published about the place."

"Oh and what interesting tidbit have you found?" Varric asked.

"The Second Blight and where darkspawn emerge." Sili replied.

"Great, just great. More weird shit to make this world all that more creepy." Varric sighed.

"Let's get some rest Varric." Blackwall stated, "Don't think Bull or Dorian will be much help plus, we have the soldiers keeping watch."

"Talked me into it. Night Miss Sili." Varric laughed.

"Get some rest." Sili yawned, "I have the soldiers waking us at first light."

Thankfully, the rest of the night was peaceful for Sili. She welcomed the darkness once again until a young scout entered the tent. The noise woke her immediately and she could see the sun barely rising above the lands and through the trees. The scout waited until she was noticed before bowing and leaving, allowing Sili some time to fully wake.

Thankfully, the scout had left the flap open just enough for Sili to see. Stretching as she stood, Sili looked around for her armor and daggers and found them nicely placed alongside Varric and Blackwall's stuff. Quietly grabbing her gear, she put most of her armor on before walking out of the tent.

Greeting the scouts and soldiers, Sili found a spot by some boulders to put on her arm and leg bans. Once everything, including her daggers, were secure, she relaxed against the boulder to allow the sun to warm her. She closed her eyes and breathed in the fresh morning air.

"Are you ready, Cole?" Sili asked, but didn't actually _look_ for him.

"I am always ready. We aren't near any demons and no one needs my help." Cole replied, appearing next to Sili, sitting on the boulder.

"I am going to wake the others, can you find Solas and have him ready?" Sili asked, pushing off from the boulder and looking at Cole.

She smiled sweetly, one that he knew was only for him and he nodded briefly before disappearing. Sili stretched again, allowing the armor to adjust before heading towards the tents. Iron Bull was just making his way out of the tent, careful as to not get his horns stuck. She wasn't surprised that he was awake, probably had been for awhile.

"Hey Boss." Bull greeted, "Dorian's about ready."

"Good, I'll get..." Sili started, but Varric popped out of the tent, glaring at the Iron Bull, "Varric and Blackwall?"

" _Be out in a moment, Miss Sili._ " Blackwall called from inside the tent.

"Tiny decided to wake us up with..." Varric started, but Sili stopped him.

"Don't want to know..." Sili stated, but looked to Iron Bull with a semi-amused, but annoyed glare, "Bull, we talked about this. That is for your Chargers... not us."

"What? I couldn't help it, I'm hungry." Bull asked, patting his stomach.

"Well, the soldiers have some food made. Oatmeal I believe." Sili said, realizing whatever had happened was less offensive than she thought, "We all need to eat something and get going."

Varric and Bull nodded, walking towards the center of the camp as the tents behind her flew open again. Blackwall and Dorian emerged simultaneously, though they had the same glare that Varric had. She forced herself not to smile or utter a single giggle, though it was becoming hard.

"I do care for that oaf, it just he sometimes is so juvenile." Dorian complained.

"He does it because you need to laugh, even if you do it on the inside while being mad on the outside." Cole said, standing by the tents, "He knows where your boundaries are and likes to just touch it, but never cross it."

"Oh, hello Cole. So, does he fear me if he thinks he crosses the line?" Dorian asked, trying not to be snappish at the entity, but he still was annoyed.

Cole thought a moment and a little smile creped on his lips, "He knows be better stay awake if he does."

"Good to know that I have that power over him." Dorian replied, "Now, time to eat. Coming Blackwall?"

"Right behind you, Dorian." Blackwall laughed, "Save you a seat, Miss Sili."

She smiled at the two as they walked away, but turned to Cole, "Are you at least going to join us?"

"I think it better if I stay back. I can make the soldiers forget me, but it's harder when I'm added." Cole replied, "I will be ready, Solas too."

"Alright, but the offer still stands." Sili replied, walking towards the group.

Well, she would have joined her companions if not for some soldiers that needed her assistance. A few soldiers needed something to do, while two others had reports for her. Thinking over the last time they were here, Sili know the Riverside Garrison needed help and sent anyone willing that way.

Then it was the reports; simple, mundane, and routine which she took to a little table that also held the map of Orlais. Sili wasn't familiar with this area and going from lush green forests to deserts required different gear. The last thing she wanted was to get stuck in sand because her armor was too heavy. Sili was tracing an imaginary route when someone walked up.

"Inquisitor?" A voice jolted her from the table and a startled Solas was staring at her, "Pardon me, I thought you had heard me."

"Sorry, Solas. There have been bodies walking around all morning... and I was planning on the map." She shrugged, "Did you need something?"

"If we have a moment, I wanted to talk about what happened, last night." Solas replied.

Sili could hear the uncertainly in his voice, but choose to ignore it, "Think nothing more of it. I wanted to relax and didn't want to interrupt what you were doing. More than once I have noticed the anchor disturb things in the Fade if I dream."

"The anchor does that?" Solas asked, surprised, "But I meant what Cole said."

"Again, don't think upon it. _We_ moved passed it, though things may linger awhile, we are still good friends and company." Sili shot back, not wanting to talk about it at all, "You and I both know that Cole tries, but he is like a young child in aspect. He believes he knows what could help and doesn't see beyond that."

"True words, but you still don't scold him and tell him to stop completely." Solas wondered, "You just warn him."

"She likes me." Cole said, appearing on the table next to Sili, "Like a sister, right? She likes me to try, but only at the correct times to do so."

"Yes, Cole. You are like my little brother... sometimes." Sili smiled.

"If Cole and Miss Sili are siblings, what would that make me?" Varric laughed as he and the others joined the group, handing Sili a bowl of oatmeal.

"That cousin that everyone likes, but also the person that will either put us in or bail us out of jail." Blackwall laughed.

"Or both." Cole added, "I like our family. Though a few would rather I not be here."

"Cole, you and I have talked about that." Sili jumped in before any of the men could say something, "Now, are we ready to go?"

"Not until you eat your breakfast." Varric shot at her.

Sili growled, but complied and ate while the men grabbed gear and the mounts. By the time they were ready to go, it was mid-morning and the sun was completely above the horizon. Sili made sure to thank those in the camp for their help before her group finally made their way back on the road. She was hoping to get passed Val Firmin if not actually reaching a camp within the Western Approach.

Sili had been in deep thought again, nearly ignoring the world around her when she heard Dorian trying to make conversation again. He and Cole were going back and forth, like a young child asking too much of a relative, which made her smile. Cole was such a curious little entity and most times, she thought, he was being rather funny...

"Your clothes look like the Fade, Dorian." Cole said, almost admiringly.

"The stuff of dreams? An explosion of color and sensation wrapped in an enigma?" Dorian asked, trying to sound philosophical.

"It's shiny." Cole replied, causing Dorian's face to fall.

"Cole, are those real clothes, or..." The Tevinter asked, trying not to sound disappointed.

"They're real, what else would they be?" Cole asked, looking to the others.

"I thought maybe you conjured them, like your physical form." Dorian shrugged.

"Do you conjure yours? Is _that_ why they look like that?" Cole asked, his eyes widening.

"Never mind... Forget I said anything." Dorian sighed.

Yes, this trip was becoming very entertaining for the Inquisitor...


	10. Demons

The Western Approach was becoming overwhelming. Besides the normal issues of a desert: the sand, wind and heat, and the vicious animals, they had Venatori, White Claw, and a dragon to deal with. On the very top was the Grey Warden issue. There was something just wrong about this place and everyone could feel it.

The group was heading back to Griffon Wing Keep after fighting Erimond and some corrupted Grey Wardens. Stroud, their one other ally amongst the Wardens, noted that Erimond was heading to Adamant Fortress. They would need to go back to Skyhold and figure a plan as Adamant was no little issue like the Keeps she had recovered for the Inquisition.

Adamant Fortress was just that, built by dwarves and served as a high point to hold back the darkspawn. It had come to be abandon after the west became what it was now, but Erimond and Corypheus were using it now as a hold on the Wardens.

All this was becoming more of a labyrinth for Inquisitor Desilinairs Levallan. Everytime she thought she gained ground, she would uncover more of Corypheus' plans. She wished, in part, that she knew if this was Corypheus leading her into a trap or if his followers were just that arrogant to spill the plan.

As they entered the Keep, she noticed the sun setting which meant she could get a full night's rest. Yawning, she realized that she was no longer leading their band of misfits. Blackwall was with Iron Bull walking close by. Part of her was confused but, she really didn't want to think about it, she was just too tired and wanted to rest.

Thankfully, most of the soldiers were either training or resting so she didn't have to deal with formalities as she made her way to Knight-Captain Rylen. He greeted her and gave a quick report for dismissing himself. Luckily, the report was mostly positive with only the dragon and darkspawn being issues. Going back to Skyhold would have to wait at least another week.

She had agreed to help Frederick with his research that the Venatori had stolen and destroyed. Plus, dealing with it either way would put the soldiers minds at ease. The darkspawn came as a non-surprise surprise with the Abyssal Reach. It wasn't uncommon to see a few darkspawn around here, but something had spurred them.

The sulfur pits had hindered the Inquisition forces, but after some construction, a ruin was discovered. Scouts reported it was most likely Tevinter made, but it seemed to be the focal point where the darkspawn were coming from. Thankfully, orders were that no one was to go into the ruins before her.

"We're fighting her, right? Tell me we're fighting her, boss!" Iron Bull said as they headed to the tents.

"We're doing something about it." Sili replied, "In the morning."

"Where are you going, Miss Sili?" Varric asked, watching her leave the group.

"Sleep..." Sili said, "Just tired."

"I would not advise that, Inquisitor." Solas said, getting her attention.

Anytime he used her title, she knew he meant for her to listen, "Why's that?"

"You need to eat, like and with the rest of us. Also, _someone_ needs to look at your head wound." The elf stated, a hint of concern in his voice.

"Chuckles is right, on both. Come on... We need to check out that cook you requisitioned." Varric added.

"He loves to cook and can create meals for everyone, without the ingredients, just talent." Cole added with a smile, "With one pot, everyone can have a meal from their homes..."

Cole loved it when anyone could help others, especially without trying. Sili smiled at Cole, but shrugged her shoulders. Their Inquisitor followed the men to where some soldiers were already sitting by the cook. He was rationing out bowls of stew, going on about stories of deserts and cold, and his days as a soldier.

Sili sat amongst the soldiers and her little group, observing and listening to all the stories of home. It was nice to see and also because everyone forgot she was the Inquisitor, Sili was able to be just one of the soldiers. She remembered Iron Bull taking her to meet recruits when they first found Skyhold and quick glance over to the Tal-Vashoth, he was smiling... at her.

After many more stories and few more rations of stew, Sili and her companions excused themselves for the night. She was now extremely tired and just wanted to lay her head down to sleep. Her head wasn't throbbing, not like it had been days ago. By the Creators, she hoped that they all had forgotten and that she could just go to bed.

"My dear Inquisitor, may I have a moment?" Dorian said, coming up next to her, "Bull and Solas are in some debate again, so I will bunk with you tonight?"

"Sounds fine to me. Blackwall and Varric?" Sili asked.

"They are going to be in another tent. Tis my turn with you my dear." Dorian laughed.

Sili couldn't help the smiled that inched across her face, "By the Creators, I am a lucky girl."

"I know, you should write me down in your Dalish history, like a grand Tevinter friend." Dorian replied.

"That would be a good start." Sili nodded, gliding into one of the tents with Dorian behind her.

They were able to stand, well... she was able to stand without problems, the Tevinter mage had to slouch slightly. Though the tent was big enough for each of them to have some space, Dorian seemed rather close to her as she began to remove her armor.

"Is there something I can help with, Dorian? Is your robed armor too much to take off yourself?" Sili asked, turning to him.

"We've noticed, my dear. Someone needs to check and that someone is me." Dorian stated bluntly, "Now, off with the armor and I want you to lay your head here... on my lap."

Dorian had shrugged off is armor, made a small, but comfortable space for him to sit and her to lay, and was sitting, patting his knee. Sili wanted to slap that smug look off his face, but sighed and got the last of her armor off. She put her Skyhold night watch outerwear on as soon as the armor was off before laying her head on Dorian's knee.

He started to rhythmically stroking her hair, running his fingers and pulling out the braid it had been in. Sili was surprised that he went the full length, knowing her hair was down just past her shoulder blades. She felt a brush soon after and moaned a response, it felt good away from her scalp, but it stung near her head.

Dorian replied with a silent apology and rubbed her shoulder as she could feel him using his magic on her. It was warm, relaxing her further as her headache subsided and she closed her eyes. Sili tried to best to stay awake, listening to Dorian talk about himself, but she could no longer fight and allowed herself to drift off.

But a sharp pain drew her from her sleep. Thinking Dorian had done it to keep her awake, Sili turned to scold him. Pushing herself up, Sili found herself alone in the tent, dust covering everything. _Not again!_ Sili cried silently and she knew she was back in her nightmare.

Tears immediately stung at her eyes as she ran from the tent, but tripped over something as soon as she had left. She barely had enough time to keep her face from slamming into the sand... _sand?_ This wasn't right, well scratch that, this wasn't right in the first place, but this nightmare was different. The demons that plagued her had normally gone after her clan, but this... this was Griffon Wing Keep.

"My, my, my, look who finally joined." A voice said from behind before a hand grabbed her hair and pulled her up to her knees, "It's the lovely Inquisitor." Livius Erimond laughed.

"What... By the Creators!" Sili gasped when she finally looked around. The Keep, what wasn't in rubble, was engulfed by fire. Inquisition soldiers bodies were everywhere: some in pieces, on torture racks, hanging from ramparts.

"We've save the best for you, my dear." Erimond stated, pulling her up to her feet and down the stairs to the main courtyard. A makeshift gallows had been constructed and her friends all stood with nooses around their necks. He threw her into the dirt, just shy of the gallows.

Sili screamed, tears falling down her cheeks and the lever was pulled, but the world slowed. A cold wind started to descend on the Keep and it was coming from Dorian. Cole looked at her with his simple expression before removing the noose as if the world didn't affect him. He made his way over to the others as the world stilled and removed each of their noose's.

"Sili, sweet. You need to calm down, everything is fine." Dorian said, the cool winds dancing around all of them, "You need to relax."

Tears still fell from her eyes as she let her head fall into the dirt, cradled by her hands. She _knew_ this wasn't real, but it hurt all the same. Sili then felt a hand rubbing her back, but pretended to ignore it for another moment. When the cold receded, Sili blinked as she raised her head.

She was back at Skyhold, down by the main gate with Cole. He helped her stand as she looked around, "They are using you, to hurt you in ways. You've stayed strong and still need to." Cole explained, hugging her as she had him once, "We got your back and Dorian thinks your head is healed for good this time."

"These are nightmares the demons play on me in the Fade..." Sili sighed, "They are trying new tricks and it seems I let them this time." Sili said, tears still sliding down her cheeks.

"No, they surprised you and caught you off guard this time. They won't try again, not with you healed now." Cole stated, "It's late, so you can either wake up and let the others know you're okay. Or I can let you sleep, without any more disturbances and I can let the others know."

"We'll see..." Sili said, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. She felt her body shift, like the world fell from under her. Sili opened her eyes slowly, immediately meeting the eyes of a very concern, merchant dwarf. Something cool was placed on her forehead and she jumped slightly, her hands flying up, but were caught by gentle yet stern hands.

"Hey..." A horse whisper from Varric, "You're back." He sighed, using another cloth to wipe her face from the tears.

"Da'len?" Solas' whispered voice came from her other side and she guessed he was holding her hands, "Are you-"

Without a word, Sili stood in one fluid motion. Her hands racing over Varric and Solas' faces, as if she was looking for something before leaving the tent. Trying to keep her anxiety in check, Sili made her way around the camp and found Iron Bull, Dorian, and Blackwall. She checked them over like she had Varric and Solas and, feeling satisfied, headed towards the astrarium.

From there, she could see most of the Keep and the surrounding area. It was quiet, like it had and was suppose to be and she sighed in relief. Sili stood there and watched the Keep a moment longer, as the few scouts walked along the battlements and ramparts, nodding their heads if they caught her eye.

The moon was barely at the apex of the night, yet the sand seemed to appear as water on a shore. In some way, it looked beautiful, yet haunting with the purple tint. Then the exhaustion started to creep into her muscles and bones. With the adrenalin gone, Sili slumped by the ladder, but kept her eyes scanning the surrounding landscape.

She thought that no one noticed, since none of the soldiers had, but she felt a gentle hand on her leg. Sili looked down to see the Iron Bull, though he wasn't looking at her

"Boss?" He asked, scanning around like she had been, "Something up?"

Sili thought a moment, "No, but there was a hint." She stated simply.

She then tried to climb down the ladder, slowly, knowing her body was still coming off the effects of her adrenaline. Without a word, Bull grabbed her around the waist and placed her on his shoulder. Besides the quick shock, Sili allowed herself to be carried, but wrapped her right leg around his side to anchor herself.

"Boss, we're all heading to bed..." Bull hinted, "Dorian and Solas are keeping you company tonight. The rest of us will see you in the morning." He added, setting her down by the tent she had come out of.

Dorian grabbed her arm and pulled her into the tent, making her sit on her sleep mat. Without a word, he sat behind her and checked her head. Once he was satisfied, he pushed her to lay down.

"You need to rest, we have the darkspawn to deal with in the morning."


	11. Relaxing at Skyhold

Just two days later found the little group nearly home. After Coracavus prison, darkspawn, and dragon on top of the hot desert, they were all exhausted and filthy. Scouts could be seen running ahead to alert Skyhold of their return and Sili had even stopped one for private instructions.

Twenty minutes later, the group crossed the threshold and sighed as they dismounted and handed the reins to Master Dennet and a stable hand. The sun was half way down, which meant that supper would be served in a few hours. Sili sighed before noticing the men were all walking away. It was somewhere secret, so said Varric, so that they could all clean up, leaving Sili alone. Shaking her head and smiling, she slowly made her way back to her room to clean up as well.

Walking through the main hall, Sili tried to make herself presentable to Skyhold's guest as she made her way towards her private quarters. She promised a number of them that after properly cleaning herself, she would return.

"Darlings, guests... please. Our dear Inquisitor has just returned from a week's trip into the desert and back." Vivienne intervened, "My dear Sili, that dear little girl Iriani is in your quarters. She had a basket with her and was waiting for you."

"Thank you, Madam Vivienne." Sili bowed, "I will be back before supper is served."

"No need to rush as I am sure you might need a few baths to get all that sand out." One of the noble's stated, but realized that it may of sounded harsher than he intended.

Sili just smiled and bowed before taking her leave and heading through the door and up the stairs. As she shut the door behind her, Sili sighed out of relief and exhaustion, but soon a simple, but lovely smell descended from her room. _Iris flowers_ , Sili thought, _That's what Iriani had in the basket._

The scent became stronger as she opened the door and walked up the flight to her room. Iriani was there was a large tub of hot water and the flowers were in vases around the room. Sili smiled as Iriani got the last few things done and turned to see the Inquisitor.

"Oh, Miss Sili! Welcome back... I was told by one of the scouts that you requested a bath in your room." Iriani smiled, "I just figured after the desert, the flowers would cheer you up as well."

"It has, thank you, Iriani." Sili smiled more, but headed to the balcony facing the mountain side.

"What are you doing out there, Miss Sili?" Iriani asked, watching Sili remove her leg plates, "Someone might be watching!"

"I am not tracking sand all over my room. I probably brought back enough to fill the garden." Sili sighed, her point proven as sand rained onto the balcony, "I have sand in everything and I don't want to sweep this after my bath."

"I could..." Iriani started.

"No, the point is to remove my armor and shake out as much of the sand here and let the winds take it." Sili replied, working on removing the armor around her legs and arms.

Iriani came over and grabbed the leg armor, shaking and bumping it against the railing as Sili worked on her arms. Iriani disappeared a moment before returning with an old sheet that had been covering the furniture. She checked over all the pieces that Sili had taken off again, placing them in the sheet and awaited the rest of the armor.

Sili sighed and braced herself for the main part of the prowler armor she wore. She liked the style, but knew she was going to hate getting it off tonight. When she was able to get the armor over her hand, sand was covering her and the entire balcony. The dark-colored leather undergarment was spackled as well.

"You weren't lying, Miss Sili. I think the garden would have a nice coating." Iriani replied, dusting off the sand from the Inquisitor, "Let me grab something to go through your hair..."

Before Sili could protest, the little elf was gone again. She resigned herself to dust herself off of anymore visible sand as well as shaking her armor. Iriani reappeared and began to comb through Sili's hair, undoing the braid as she went. With a good shake, Iriani was finished and escorted the Inquisitor back inside.

"Go into that little room and finish undressing, the water is still hot, maybe too hot." Iriani smiled, "I have someone coming for your armor to give to Harritt."

"He's going to chew me out for this." Sili replied, heading to the little room.

"It looks like it could use some repairs and he has Dagna to help." Iriani tried.

Sili smiled and nodded to that before closing the door behind her and began to remove the leather undergarment. It wasn't long before she heard someone knock and come up the stairs, _Harritt himself_ , Sili inwardly groaned.

" _The Inquisitor's armor had quite a bit of sand in it, though she tried to get most of it out." Iriani stated._

" _Not to worry, I have tools and with Dagna's help... We'll have this all cleaned up and ready before tomorrow." Harritt replied, though gruffly._

" _Thank you, Master Harritt." Iriani stated, "I have it all here in the sheet, hopefully that helps."_

" _It will, have a good night. Tell the Inquisitor that she can come down in the morning."_

With that, Sili could hear the blacksmith take his leave and slowly opened the door, having only a robe to cover herself. Iriani had the windows shut with a curtain drawn over them to keep any prying eyes out, "Is there anything else I can help with?"

"No, thank you Iriani. I think a little time to myself would be nice, but could you do me a little favor?" Sili asked.

"Anything, Miss Sili." Iriani asked, looking puzzled.

"Dinner is in a few hours, could you come back half an hour before hand? I might fall asleep..." Sili replied, feeling her cheeks grow hot.

"Sure, I can do that. Though if you need my services... I will be helping in the kitchen." Iriani replied, taking her leave as well.

Sili waited to hear both doors shut before disrobing and shaking her hair a few more times. She padded over to the tub and slipped in slowly, allowing the steaming water to soak into her limbs before she sat and relaxed. Nearby, there were some soaps that Sili could only guess were 'gifts' from Vivienne.

Grabbing one, she opened the little red jar and immediately the scent filled the area. Sili couldn't place the aroma, but it reminded her of a bakery making sweets. Though very lovely, the smell seemed too much. Another green jar yielded another spice, though not sweet, this jar smelled familiar. Like in the forests back by Wycome and she considered that one heavily, but she wanted to know what the last purple jar was.

Opening that, Sili immediately thought of Val Royeaux and closed it. She would _not_ be like them. She knew the intention was honest, but Sili almost felt hurt that the Enchanter would do that... _Fuck, this is test!_ With that thought, Sili dunked her head under the water a moment to think.

Three choices: smell common, elven, or nobility. This was a fucking game and Sili had walked into it, again! She came up and looked around for any other options, but all she had in her room were flowers. They were lovely and smelled better by the soap in the green jar, but how would she do that?

Then something Cassandra had said came back to her. The Seeker liked to soak in rose petals with her bath, to smell like them. Which meant Sili could do the same this with the iris flowers. Braving the cool air, Sili left the bath for the two closest vases of flowers and raced back to the welcoming waters. She placed the vases near the jars and began to pluck the petals from the flowers and drop them into the steaming water.

She did that with five of the biggest flowers she could find and swirled the petals under the water. Sili relaxed into the bath, soaking for awhile and nearly drifting off to sleep a few times. Only when the water began to cool did she grabbed the green jar and a piece of torn cloth.

She lathered her entire body and hair with the soap and scrubbed as hard as she could to get clean, leaving patches of bright red and pink all over her body. Satisfied and feeling cleaner than she had in weeks, Sili stood and rinsed all the soap from her hair and body.

Drying herself off with a large cloth before stepping out from the basin, she had to twist her hair to get the excess water out and thought a good hair cut was in order. Probably a good idea since the Winter Palace was in two days. A lot of things needed to be in order if she really thought about it. With the Winter Palace politics _and_ having to stop an assassination from causing all out war, Sili hoped that her companions and advisors would be able to agree, though that was a rarity in itself.

Sili growled in frustration at all the times that everyone had fought her over what they made her decide. At least Cullen, Iron Bull, Varric, and Dorian understood and accepted what she had to do. Some of the others just questioned her, but never wanted to do what she had to, and it infuriated her. Though the worst ones, like Vivienne who she respected, just questioned to be questioning. Sili had to watch the Enchanters body language to know how she was really feeling.

Pushing all those thoughts from her mind, Sili walked over to her dresser to find something suitable to wear. She knew she needed something more formal than usual, but she didn't want Winter Palace attire. Shifting through what few outfits she had, Sili came upon one that Varric had 'bought' from one of the merchants that had come to Skyhold.

She knew better, Varric never bought anything as he just acquired stuff, but she still hadn't refused the gift. It was a nice, but simple dress that looked like what other women wore around Skyhold. Though this one was a few unique color, being a blue-green hue with white accents. It was something so normal, but it would still allow her to stand out just enough for effect.

Within all the hustle and bustle of Skyhold, Sili heard the far door to the tower open and shut before the one that lead to her room was knocked on, hard, but didn't open. Sili waited a moment, waiting for the door to open, but it never did. Which was unusual, as none of her normal 'guests' ever knocked like that and they knew just to come in.

Sili called down, allowing entry to whomever was there and made her way to her desk with a bottle of oil and her brush. The door opened and shut quietly and though part of her was on edge, she tried her best to keep occupied, rubbing the oil into her scalp and down to the tips of her hair.

"Inquisitor?" The voice called and Sili's eyes grew wide as the Commander of the Inquisition army stood by the stairs.

"Commander?" Sili asked, wiping her hands clean, "How may I help you?"

Sili watched as he fidgeted a moment before rubbing the back of his neck like had always did when he was nervous, "Actually, I came to check on you. I was told by Iriani that you may be still bathing so I..."

Sili laughed, brushing her hair, "I wasn't expecting anyone, but Iriani, maybe Vivienne to come so I thought nothing of it." She said as she put her brush down and walked around her room, pulling the shades back and opening the windows a little.

"Iriani said you requested a little time to yourself..." Cullen replied and Sili could hear a hint of something in his tone, but couldn't place it, "I hope I didn't intrude."

"I wanted time to myself, yes, but no... you didn't interrupt anything. I asked her to come get me just before dinner was served." Sili shrugged, "How long until that?"

"Iriani mentioned about an hour." Cullen shrugged, "Guests are starting to arrive and Josephine thought it best to greet them, if you were ready."

"Then I guess I have to stay here." Sili sighed, "I am never ready to greet or deal with nobility... Hunting demons and Venatori are easier then these events."

"Then maybe I should stay here..." Cullen laughed, before adding quickly, "To stand guard and make sure you are okay."

"Speaking of which, how _are_ you?" Sili asked, looking at him seriously.

"Taking it slow, but I am doing fine." Cullen replied curtly.

"Cullen, I was just asking, not judging like you want me to do." Sili said, walking up to him and standing on her toes so that she was nose to nose, "I trust you and Cassandra."

Cullen's eyes meets Sili's, her eyes warm and comforting. Something in Cullen stirs and he inches closer, their lips just a whisper apart.

"Miss Sili!"

The voice caused both Cullen and Sili to jump, stepping away from one another, "Be down in a moment, Iriani." Sili sighed, looking to Cullen, "We should..."

Cullen quickly silenced her with a kiss, wrapping his arms around her mid section.


	12. After Halamshiral

How, in fuck's sake, did Sili manage to get herself into messes like this? The Winter Palace was something she hoped she wouldn't have to do in a long time... if ever again. Tonight was beyond chaotic and Sili was finally catching her breath as she leaned against the railing. Morrigan had slowly walked away, leaving the Inquisitor, Desilinaris Lavellan, alone with her thoughts.

First, just getting to the event and hearing whispers of her being an elf and such a blasphemes notion. Then meeting up with Gaspard and choosing _every word_ with caution and weight, but somehow she managed that with some ease, especially with Celene.

Then, wandering around and finding out all the dirty secrets, which she preferred over the gossip and talk. Briala's schemes, Gaspard's duplicity, and Celene's fondness of her lover... that one of all three was, in some regard, the nicest and more honest of anything she had seen tonight.

Oh wait... there was Grand Duchess Florianne, Gaspard's sister. She had tried to turn the Inquisition against Gaspard, but Sili found out that it was _Florianne_ who was working with Corypheus and the Venatori. Florianne was the agent that was responsible for Celene's assassination and cause the chaos in Orlais.

Sili was still disgusted by the fact that Leliana, Cullen, and a small part of Josephine were willing to let Celene die. Stating that it would help Thedas if she were removed, but Sili wouldn't allow it to happen willingly. That was part of the Game that she hated... calculating the _benefits_ of someone's life or death.

By the end of the night, Florianne was in custody and the three others agreed to a truce. Sili had to blackmail everyone of them, but it was worth it to her, it kept people alive and from her travels around Orlais, she knew that each of them had loyalists to calm.

"There you are! Everyone's been looking for you." Cullen called from behind her, causing her to jump a little, "Things have calmed down for the moment. Are you alright?"

What could she say, but Sili really wasn't sure she wanted company right now, "I'm just worn out. Tonight has been... very long." Sili settled on, looking from the countryside to Cullen, giving him a small smile.

"For all of us." He agreed, "I'm glad it's over. I know it's foolish, but I was worried for you tonight."

Sili stared at Cullen in disbelief. Why would he be worried about her, the fighting was the easiest thing she had done tonight.

"I may never have another chance like this, so I must ask." Cullen said, changing the subject and walking into the middle of the balcony, "May I have this dance, my lady."

Sili smiled, the mirth reaching her tired eyes, "Of course. I thought you didn't dance?" Sili said, taking Cullen's hand.

"For you, I'll try." Cullen said as began to lead.

They dance maybe only fifteen minutes before the music stopped. Leliana and Josephine greeted them as they made their way back into the ballroom, watching as other guests were heading into the Vestibule to leave.

"That is our cue as well. We need to get back to Skyhold and start planning for our fight with Corypheus." Leliana stated with a smile, "Now that we have Orlais as our allies."

Back at Skyhold, their caravan arrived around mid-morning. One would have thought Skyhold had been attacked by the way all of advisors were 'greeted' by their agents. Sili dismissed everyone; advisor and companion alike, as Master Dennett and a few of his stable-hands dealt with the caravan and horses. Sili thanked them before heading off herself.

She had been walking the grounds, making her way up to the Grand Hall, when she came upon Josephine and someone from the Chantry. By the way the Antivan woman looked, whoever the woman was, she was being aggravated.

"The matter is urgent, Lady Josephine." The woman stated.

"I am well aware of that, Revered Mother." Josephine shot back.

"We need them to return to Val Royeaux as soon as possible. There are ceremonies-ordinations. Maker's mercy!" The Revered Mother exasperated.

"That's quite impossible at the moment." Josephine shot back, "However, I will see to this matter as soon as possible."

"My Lady Inquisitor. Please, may I have a word with you?" Sili had decided to walk by, possible to relieve Josephine, but the Revered Mother was going to beg her now.

"Just when you've solved one crisis, another springs up to take its place." Sili jabbed, already hearing part of the conversation and knowing this woman wasn't taking a hint.

"I am sorry to place this burden on your shoulders, but you are the only one who can help. With the political turmoil put to rest, our mind turn to a single question: the next Divine. We cannot answer it without the left and right hands of Divine Justinia V." The Revered Mother explained.

"I have already told you, Revered Mother: Lady Leliana and Seeker Cassandra cannot be spared from their duties." Josephine countered, but Sili could see her seething behind her mask of composure.

"But surely with the support of the Empire, the Inquisition will not be harmed by the loss of just two souls?" The Mother shot back.

"Why do you _need_ Leliana and Cassandra?" Sili asked. Yes she had explained that they couldn't answer the successor of the last Divine without the 'Hands', but both had been nearly denied any recognition from the Church, both labeled heretics, until now...

"They were her Holiness's most trusted advisors. They represent her legacy, her hopes for peace in Thedas. They could rally the Grand Clerics to follow as no candidate from the clergy are able to." the Mother tried to explain, "They were her friends and our late Divine is still held in high esteem. To honor her, the Grand Clerics might support one of them as successor."

So the truth finally came out. That was why the Church really wanted them. They were to be amongst the candidates to succeed Divine Justinia V, after all they had done. The Chantry was seeing how much power and influence the Inquisition and those that were at the forefront really had, "How long would they be gone?" Sili settled on.

"Several months, but if one of them is crowned Divine... she would not be returning to the Inquisition." The Revered Mother replied, a smug tone hinted her voice.

The Inquisitor settled on the best response she could, "Leliana and Cassandra would have to make that decision for themselves."

"And they certainly will. At a later date." Josephine added, a hint of her own 'got you' voice, "The Inquisitor has only just returned and has important business to attend to. You must excuse us, Revered Mother."

The Revered Mother shot both of them a look before bowing. Taking her leave, she still gave Sili a scorned looked as she passed. Sili bowed respectfully as she passed, ignoring the glare as if she didn't notice.

"Do not let this dampen your victory at Halamshiral. You have dealt Corypheus a major blow. Now, we just have to deal with the Wardens, which Varric is waiting for. He really wants to go help his friend, Hawke." Josephine said, a smile spreading across her face.

"Are Cassandra and Leliana up for Divine?" Sili asked.

"Yes, but with the Venatori, Corypheus, and the end of World... that will be the last of their concerns." Josephine tried to ease Sili's worries, "Once you've dealt with the Warden problem, we will plan our next move against Corypheus." She added, bowing her head slightly and heading back to her desk.

Sili stood there, watching the Antivan walk up the stairs and into the main hall of Skyhold. She was actually lost at that moment. Her 'so-called' victory had been tainted, but now she felt as if it were being burned in front of her.

"Inquisitor?" The voice of a half worried Scout Harding asked from behind, "You look like you could use a drink..."

"Maybe... why not." Sili replied with a hallow laugh.

Harding ignored her tone and lead her into Herald's Rest and right to Cabot. The dwarven bartender had a few mugs of ale ready as the women sat at the bar. They raised their mugs to one another before downing the contents in one gulp. Sili felt the alcohol hit her stomach and by the Creators, it felt good. The two talked quietly over another round, about the Inquisition and what was the next step.

Sili explained that the Inquisition's next move was to lay siege to Adamant Fortress, "We are on the attack this time, so if you want in, you need to speak with Commander Cullen." Sili explained.

"I think I will stay with what I am good at, but I will talk to Leliana. See if there is something that she requires of me." Harding tilted her mug towards Sili before finishing it off.

Sili nodded her thanks, slowly finishing her ale as Harding left the tavern, but she wasn't alone long. The Iron Bull came up besides her and just gestured for her to follow. Sili followed without question as he lead her back to his hang out. She was a little surprised to see Varric and Dorian there, but knew what this meant.

No titles, formalities, anything... just friends drinking, telling stories, and Sili loved this. When she felt more... grounded. Desilinaris Lavellan wasn't the Herald of Andraste, the Inquisitor, or anything else. She was just... Miss Sili.

"Marvelous business, the Winter Palace." Dorian said as Sili sat beside them, "Saving the day, reconciling lovers, mediating a civil war... so sugary, it's nauseating. All the dancing, politics and murder makes me a bit homesick." The mage sighed before taking a large gulp from his mug.

"You... miss that?" Sili asked.

"Who wouldn't? All the drama, the scandal, the petty maneuverings." Dorian shrugged, "Back home, we engage in social affairs with the grim intensity if war. When blood is spilled, the battle is won. Less fun when you're the target, but to watch? My, yes."

Sili looked to Varric and Bull for some hint that what Dorian was talking about was just near insane, but they were acting as if they agreed with him, "I will let you have all that then, Ser." Sili settled, tilting her mug towards him.

"I hope you tried the ham they were serving by the way. Tasted of despair. Fascinating." Dorian laughed, "What's wrong Varric?"

"I need to have a few words with my publisher. The first one will be _you_ and second will be _bastard_." Varric sighed, rubbing his face, "They've claimed for years that my crime serials don't sell in Orlais. So why is the Council of Heralds asking me for autographs?" Varric asked them.

"Let us know how that works out." Bull stated, turning to Sili, "You know, I've got no problem with Orlesians, but Halamshiral was a mess. At least under the Qun, you don't get everyone tripping over each other's dicks while the country goes to crap."

"I know and believe me, some days I really hate politics." Sili replied with a drink.

"You've got a crappy job, then, Boss." Iron Bull laughed.

Cole suddenly appeared next to Sili with a confused look. Sili knew that one, where Cole truly looked like a young child trying to figure out the world, "I didn't understand the Grand Ball. It would have been easier if they said what they wanted."

"That's just them, but what did you think of the masks, Cole?" Varric asked.

"What masks?" Cole replied, "Those weren't their real faces?"

No one knew how to answer that besides trying to hide their smirks.

After a few more drinks, Sili decided it was time to meet with the advisors before lunch. She went up and thought checking in on Sera would be a good idea. She had been at her best behavior even though it had been hard. Walking around the stairs and to Sera's room, Sili noted that the door was shut.

" _One for the Empress."_ Thud. _"Gaspard."_ Thud _"Briala."_ Thud. _The Duchess."_ Thud. _"And Coryphefuss, right in the dangle-bag!_ "

An arrow tip burst through the door, right next to Sili's nose, "Creators! Remind me to stay on your good side..."

"Don't worry, you're sparkling compared to that lot." Sera laughed, letting Sili into her room.

The two elven women sat on some cushions, "A cook here, a footman there. What's it matter, so long as there's a butt for the throne? A pretty one, sure. But how many lives are worth one Empress's arse?" Sera asked, waving her hands in emphasis, "That place... Should have just thrown in some bees and slammed the doors."

"No, I think earwigs would be better." Sili laughed.

"EW... I hate those things, with their little pinchy butts!" Sera replied with a laugh herself, then got a look in her eyes, "Josephine should add that to her paper threats!"

Then Sera got serious, "You know the real lesson from all this? Never sleep with an Empress. We patched their spat, Briala and the Celene. But without their breakup, none of it would have happened like that."

"This was their mistake and made the whole thing worse." Sili nodded as she stood.

"Wrong way around, it started worse. Lots of people died before there was a hole in the sky. That's who you're saving. If you get a chance, maybe remind them not to be idiots." Sera stated as Sili nodded and left...


	13. For Cullen (Slow burn)

After talking with everyone about Halamshiral at Skyhold, Sili found herself on the battlements, staring out at the mountains. She was trying to clear her head before figuring out the next mission, Adamant. There was so much wrong with this that she wasn't sure if she _could_ deal with what awaited them.

Intel coming from Adamant Fortress suggested that only the Warden Mages were enslaved by Corypheus and Erimond's tricks. Which meant that there could be two-thirds of the Wardens inside that were trapped. Confused and forced to obey orders that they knew were wrong, like Stroud, but at least he had been able to escape.

Sili was so deep in thought that she didn't hear the heavy armor steps of Cullen. He lightly touched her shoulder, but Sili still jumped and drew her dagger. Cullen ignored it and kissed her gently on the head.

"The Commander of the Inquisition and the Herald of Andraste. That will have people talking." Sili said, putting her dagger away and smiling at him.

Cullen sighed, "You wouldn't believe how quickly gossip spreads through the barracks."

Sili caught the irritation in his voice, "Does... does it bother you?"

"I would rather my, our, private affairs remain that way." Cullen replied with a small smile, "But if there were nothing here for people to talk about, I would regret it more."

Sili's mind wandered a moment before a smile crossed her face, "The day you kissed me, in my quarters, how long had you wanted to do that?"

"Longer than I should admit. " He laughed, turning his head and blushing.

"I'm Dalish, that never bothered you?"

"I hadn't considered... elves weren't treated differently in the Circles I served, I didn't think what it might mean to you..." Cullen said, looking out onto the mountainside, "I hope that doesn't, I mean, does it... bother you?"

Sili shook her head and began walking towards his office, "No. If you care for me, that's all that matters. I wasn't trying to put you on the spot."

Cullen laughed oddly, rubbing the back of his neck as he fell in step with her, "I'm not very good at this, am I? If I seem unsure, it's because it's been a long time since I've wanted anyone in my life. I wasn't expecting to find that here. Or _you_." He shrugged, opening the door to his office.

Sili smiled up at him, "I am going to get something to eat. I will return and then we can discuss Adamant."

"The sooner we are done with that, the better I will feel." Cullen admitted, kissing her head once more before letting her leave through another door.

Sili walked from Cullen's office to the rotunda where Solas liked to hide out. She couldn't see him right away and tried to stay quiet as she walked through, but Solas growling caught her off guard. He was standing off the far side of the room, away from all the doors, and staring at one of his frescos.

He turned to see her and, to Sili's surprise, looked almost more upset, "My friend. You cannot allow this, with the Grey Wardens, it's _maddening_!"

"What are you going on about?"

"It's one of the few things I can honestly say I agree with Vivienne about. I do not believe or like the idea that the Grey Wardens think that they are the only ones to stop the Blight. Their rituals and ways are just that... Maddening." Solas fumed, walking around the room.

Sili thought her words carefully as Solas had held grudges against her before. Though this issue, she was tired of the fighting, "Well then, since you and Vivienne seemed to know about everything in this world; her the 'mortal' and you the 'fade', find a solution." Crossing her arms.

She wasn't backing down on her stance with the Wardens. Some of their practices were odd, but in this world, she had witness more barbaric acts. Vivienne looked down on _everyone_ and those that she saw as irrelevant, like the Wardens, _she_ held nothing back. The way _that_ woman carried about, that was truly maddening.

Solas had stopped slowly and stared at her in surprise. If she wasn't so infuriated, she would be happy that she got another emotion out of the stoic elf. As it was, it only added to her anger as part of her wondered why he would be surprised. She on the other hand, had kept herself from showing anything to him and waited for his response.

"Inquisitor... Miss Sili..." Solas thought a moment for the right words, "It's not that I don't see the significant of their Order, but I see all empty sacrifices as such, empty."

"Legion of the Dead?" Sili countered, "They are almost the same thing."

Solas rubbed his nose, "It's the same, yet different. They aren't trying to stop a Blight. They are throwing their lives away to gain honor... it's unnerving."

"Seems most races are unnerving to you." Sili replied quietly, "But this is the way it's been. There has to be something bigger than a hole in the sky for anyone to truly change."

"That is... a completely sad reality." Solas agreed, "Forgive me. I did not mean to vent anything upon you. It's just, we need to stop whatever is going on at Adamant."

"That is something we both can agree on." Sili nodded, taking her leave.

Sili made her way quietly to her room where a food tray lay nicely on her desk... next to a pile of papers. No doubt left there by Josephine, but she made her way over to the desk and began to eat and sort through the stack. Most of the time, Josephine dealt with any mundane requests or political inquires.

Luckily, it only took fifteen minutes to go through everything. Though one stood out amongst all of them, a letter from her clan. They had been in a struggle with Wycome and Sili had Cullen send some reinforcements. She read the report that had come from Cullen's office, stating that her clan and the Inquisition soldiers fought side-by-side and were victorious. Which meant they now had another problem, which Josephine had sent a note for that. Sili decided that after dinner, she would gather the advisors.

Once she had everything done, she stood and stretched before walking onto her balcony. The mid-day sun warmed her and it felt oddly comforting as she watched the sunbeams dance on the snow. She allowed her mind to relax and think of better days and times, but a certain Commander kept creeping into her thoughts.

Sili smiled at this, but decided to go back to talk to Cullen about what he thought about Adamant _before_ the meeting. He knew more about the Wardens and Templars than anyone else, save for Leliana, but she also knew that they butted heads with often. Making her way to his office, she was surprised to find him absent and one of his top agents waiting.

"Cullen is talking with Cassandra at the forge." He stated simply.

Sili thought it was odd, but just thanked the agent and made her way down. Even before she opened the door, she could hear them almost arguing.

"If I'm unable to fulfill what vows I kept, then nothing good has come of this. Would you rather save face than admit..." Cullen stopped at seeing Sili and nearly fled from the forge, "Forgive me."

Sili watching him leave before looking to Cassandra.

Cassandra huffed in annoyance, "And people say _I'm_ stubborn, this is ridiculous. Cullen told you that he's no longer taking lyrium?"

"Yes, but that you two had an agreement, which I thought was fine. I think it's brave." Sili replied, worry creeping into her eyes.

"As do I. Not that he's willing to listen." Cassandra sighed, "Cullen has asked that I recommend a replacement for him. I refused, it's not necessary. Besides, it would destroy him. He's come so far." She added, worry evident in her voice.

"Is there anything we can do to change his mind?" Sili asked.

"If anyone could, it's you." Cassandra stated, but Sili wasn't so sure, "Mages have made their suffering known, but templars never have. They are bound to the Order, mind and soul, with someone always holding their lyrium leash." She explained, voice growing harsher.

"Cullen has a chance to break that leash, to prove himself... and anyone who would follow suit, that it's possible. He _can_ do this, I knew that when we met in Kirkwall. Talk to him, decide if now is the time."

Sili nodded and left, _now is the time for what_ though? To keep him off lyrium or let him take it again? Her mind reeled about this as she didn't want to push Cullen at all! She wanted him to feel comfortable and confident with his decisions, but she would at least make her feeling known. Then he wouldn't feel it was an order... she hoped.

Sili approached Cullen's door and pressed her ear into it. She could hear him walking around and even grunting. Taking several deep breaths, Sili finally opened the door only to have something slam into the door, just inches from her face.

"Maker's breath! I didn't hear you enter." Cullen gasped, leaning on his desk, "I... Forgive me."

Sili kept her fear and surprise under a layer of concern, "Cullen, if you need to talk."

"You don't have to..." He tried to walk around the desk only to groan in pain and hunch over, "I never meant for this to interfere."

"Are you going to be alright?" Sili asked, walking to help Cullen, but he had quickly distanced himself from her.

"Yes... I don't know." He sighed in defeat, walking to a window, "You once asked what happened to Ferelden's Circle. It was taken over by abominations." Cullen stated and Sili could hear a hint of anger as well as despair.

"The templars, my friends, were slaughtered... I was tortured. They tried to break my mind, and I... how can you be the same person after that?" The last part was almost a whisper. Sili just stood quietly and allowed him to speak his mind.

"Still, I wanted to serve. They sent me to Kirkwall. I trusted my knight commander, and for what? Her fear of mages ended in madness. Kirkwall's Circle fell. Innocent people died in the streets. Can't you see why I want nothing to do with that life?" He finally asked, turning to her.

Sili could see his side, "Of course I can. I..." She tried to get closer to him, but he threw his arm in the air to stop her.

"Don't! You should be questioning what I've done. I thought this would be better... that I would regain some control over my life. But these thoughts won't leave me..." Cullen began to pace between his desk and book shelf, not three feet from her, "How many lives depend on our success? I swore myself to this cause... I will _not_ give less to the Inquisition than I did the Chantry! I should be taking it! I should be taking it!"

Sili's mind panicked, the one thing she didn't want was for him to think this was all about... orders, "This doesn't have to be about the Inquisition." She stated simply, "Is this what _you want_?"

Cullen sighed heavily, leaning against the desk, "No. But, these memories have _always_ haunted me... if they become worse, if I cannot endure this..." He was pleading with her and Sili's heart broke for him.

Sili walked over to him and hugged him, cradling his head on her shoulder, "You can."

"Alright." He replied, wrapping his arms around her waist, "I think I can try, but..."

"No, no buts, Cullen." Sili silenced him, "Do you wish to discuss anything or shall we take a walk?"

Cullen shook his head, but raised his head from her shoulder, "Let's walk."

The two of them made their way from Cullen's quarters out onto the battlements and towards the tavern. They stayed quiet until they passed the tavern, making their way up the stairs when Cullen stopped her.

"I wanted to thank you... when you came to see me... if there's anything." Cullen sighed, turning away from Sili, rubbing the back of his neck, "This sounded a lot better in my head."

Sili just smiled, "I trust you're feeling better? Is it always that bad?"

Cullen returned the smile, "Yes, but the pain come and goes. Sometimes I feel as if I'm back there... I should not have pushed myself so far that day."

Sili rubbed Cullen's arm, "I'm just glad you're all right."

"I am." Cullen put his hand over her's as he looked out onto the mountains, "I've never told anyone what truly happened to me at Ferelden's Circle. I was... not myself after that. I was angry. For years, that anger blinded me. I'm not proud of the man that made me. The way I saw mages... the thought sickens me. Now I can put some distance between myself and everything that happened. It's a start."

"For what it's worth, I like who you are now." Sili replied.

Cullen quickly turned to look into her eyes, "Even after..."

"Cullen, I care about you. You've done nothing to change that." She stated, laughter in her voice.

"What about you? You have, had troubles of your own. How are you holding up?" Cullen asked, but saw Sili's face fall and almost darken.

"I'm afraid I'll fail... With me passing out numerous times, the darkness tinting my past..." Sili sighed, walking away from Cullen a few steps, "I just want this over with."

Cullen wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and kissed her neck gently, "Then let us meet with the others and discuss Adamant."


	14. After Adamant (Slow burn)

They were still at Adamant, trying to figure out where to keep the Grey Wardens and learning of other groups that they needed to contact. Sili needed to breath, to be alone for just a few minutes and ran at the first chance, heading up the stairs that she had chased Clarel not an hour before. Sili had waited until no one noticed her before slipping away.

Turning the corner, Sili walked down the destroyed wall until she safely couldn't go any further, and promptly dropped to her knees. The past hour rushed back at her as she finally was able to comprehend what just happened.

Chasing Clarel and Eramond while dodging a dragon. Falling and going _back_ into the Fade with Hawke, Stroud, Varric, Iron Bull, and Dorian. Having a Nightmare demon fuck with all of them the entire time while recovering her memories. Finding out that it was the Wardens who were partially responsible for the conclave disaster.

Fighting the said Nightmare demon only to be trapped by its fucking _pet_. Having to choose a decoy, of that being Stroud, so that she and Hawke could escape. Then deciding the fate of the Wardens, to which they were to be watched allies... All to have all her companions hate part of her solution. With her head spinning, her stomach lurched and emptied itself down into the Abyss.

Sili didn't know how long she had been heaving, but someone had walked up behind her. Whoever it was staying far enough back for her comfort, but Sili was still dry heaving when someone else came with some water.

"Rinse your mouth out, dear." Dorian whispered, "Bull, is he..."

"Yeah, Cullen's on his way. Varric ran and got him." Bull stated simply.

Sili's mind was still foggy as she tried to figure out what was going on. She guessed though, that Iron Bull had followed her and made sure that no one else besides her companions followed and that he stood to cover her vomiting. Either Dorian had followed as well or some prompt from Bull had the Tevinter bring her water, all the while Varric had been told to get Cullen.

Sili rinsed her mouth and spit down into the Abyss. With help from Dorian, she slowly moved from her spot on her knees to leaning up against the nearby wall. She felt unnaturally hot and the cool wall eased some of tension that was building. Sili felt Dorian's hand on her forehead before moving down to check on her magically.

"Home and to bed, my dear friend." Dorian stated to her hazy gaze on him.

"What's the situation, now?" Sili asked, trying to keep her nausea down.

"Don't worry about it, Boss. Most everyone is getting the hell out of here and back to where they belong." Bull quipped, but Sili noticed how tense he was, "We'll _all_ be better once we get home."

"Inquisitor?" Cullen asked from behind Bull, "Sili, are you alright?"

"Our dear Inquisitor needs to get home. All this ruckus here has drained her and she won't be able to go back alone. One of us needs to ride with her. Us being Varric, myself, or you Commander." Dorian shrugged, trying to hint at Cullen.

"She can ride with me. That way, you are available in case she needs... help." Cullen replied with a nod before walking up to Sili and holding out her hand.

The ride home was a blur as consciousness drifted around her. Cullen's grip tighten around her waist and, hoping to ease some of his tension, she settled her arm above his. Luckily, they were all back at Skyhold before sunrise and Sili sighed in relief as they passed under the gates, thankful that not many were awake as they neared the stables.

Sili tried to slide off Cullen's horse, wanting to get back to her room as soon as possible, but Iron Bull was there to 'assist' her. Her head was still spinning, the world was blurry, and staying upright was becoming a challenge. Cullen slid off his horse only to have a scout bring messages that needed his urgent attention.

"Would one of you...?" Cullen asked as he slowly walked away.

"We will get the Inquisitor safe to her room to rest, Commander." Dorian nodded.

"I think we have a few days until our next move, right Commander?" Iron Bull asked, a little loud, but enough to make a point.

"Longer than that, Iron Bull." Cullen replied, just as loud, "I think today, there will be _nothing_ going on at least for the rest of Skyhold." Cullen stated before following the scout up the stairs to his office.

"Just carry her, Bull. No one is up yet and she's about to pass out." Dorian scolded, "The sun is barely cresting the mountains, we have time."

"Come on, Boss." Iron Bull agreed, kneeling down, "Climb up."

"Seriously Tiny? You can't just be a gentleman and _carry_ our dear Inquisitor to her room." Varric laughed.

"This is easier." Sili replied quietly as she carefully climbed up his back and locked her fingers around his neck.

"Plus, I can move around easier like this." Iron Bull said before running off, leaving Dorian and Varric by the stables.

"Harold's Rest?"

"Wicked Grace?"

"Loser buys?"

"Deal."

"There you go, Boss." Bull said as Sili eased herself off of his back and onto her bed.

"Thank you, Bull. Can you tell Josephine?" Sili asked, taking off her armor slowly, "In case she needs anything?"

"Sure thing. I'll find Iriani and have her come up soon. You need something to eat, Boss." Bull said, helping her out of chest plate.

The thought of swallowing anything right now had caused her to turn pale. She took off the last of her armor before rubbing her face. Sili soon realized that Bull hadn't moved, "No promises."

"You okay there... Sili?" Iron Bull asked.

The use of her name worried her and she looked up to the Tal-Vashoth. She knew lying wouldn't work on him and sighed, "No, but I really just want to be alone, just for a bit, and sleep. We have plan our next move and see what Corypheus is doing now."

"Alright." Bull nodded, "I'll have Iriani come up in an hour. Sound good to you?"

Sili nodded and watched as Bull made his way from her quarters and listened as the doors opened and shut. She fell back onto her bed and just listened to Skyhold. The clatter and clunking of the merchants getting their stands up, the servants running from room to room, then there was the soldiers and their patrols. The rhythm of their marching was enough to lull Sili into a dream and nightmare free sleep.

When she woke, Sili felt better than she had in weeks. She yawned and stretched before removing herself from her bed and making her way to her balcony that overlooked Skyhold. Sili's eyes wander the grounds, watching everyone, but one person caught her eye, Cullen. He was walking from their little makeshift Chantry Shrine of Andraste, up the stairs and to the ramparts, all the while looking around.

Smiling, Sili found a light armor outfit that she used for Skyhold. It allowed her to blend in for a time, especially if she wanted time to herself. Sili was barely dressed before she heard the door to her quarters open and Iriani's head bobbed up from the stairs.

"Morning, Miss Sili. I came to wake you, but..." Iriani smiled, "Breakfast will be soon, maybe an hour?"

"Thank you, Iriani. I think I may go walk the grounds..." Sili nodded, walking up to the young elf.

The two walked to the Grand Hall together before separating. Sili walked quietly through the rotunda, where Solas' seemed to be meditating and she didn't want to to disturb him. She surprised herself on how quietly she could open and close a heavy wood door and smiled to herself as she walked to Cullen's office.

"There you are." Cullen said from his desk as she walked through the door.

"Were you waiting for me?" Sili asked, shutting it and walking up to his desk.

"Yes, I mean no..." Cullen immediately turned red while rubbing the back of his neck.

Sili couldn't help, but laugh, "Oh, good. I've kept and not kept you waiting."

"Let me start over." Cullen sighed, hands dropping to his sides.

"By all means."

"We, my family, have some dwelling in Ferelden. I was hoping you might accompany me. When you can spare the time, of course." Cullen asked bluntly.

"Is something wrong?" Sili asked. Cullen's voice held something, but she couldn't place it.

"What? No! I would rather explain there. If you wish to go..."

"I have time now. You said it yourself that nothing should be going on for a few days..."

Cullen sighed with a smile spreading across his face, "I will make the necessary arrangements."

Within the hour, Cullen and Sili were out of Skyhold and somewhere in the middle of Ferelden, "Where are we?" Sili asked, walking to the edge of the lake.

"You walk into danger every day. I wanted to take you away from that, if only for a moment." Cullen sighed, walking up next to her, "I grew up not far from here. This place was always quiet."

"Did you come here often?" Sili asked, looking around.

"I loved my siblings, but they were very loud. I would come here to clear my head." Cullen shrugged, but Sili watched as a smile creped on his lips, "Of course, they always found me eventually."

"You were happy here? It's beautiful." Sili matched his smile.

"I was. I still am. The last time I was here was the day I left for templar training. My brother gave me this. It just happened to be in his pocket, but he said it was for luck." Cullen said with a laugh, a token turning in his hands, "Templars are not suppose to carry such things. Our faith should see us through."

" _You_ broke the Order's rules? I'm shocked." Sili laughed, shoving him lightly.

"Until a year ago, I was very good at following them, most of the time. This was the only thing I took from Ferelden that the Templars didn't give me. Humor me. We don't know what you'll face before the end. This can't hurt." Cullen said, placing the trinket into her hands.

"Keep it, I don't want your luck to run out." Sili said, turning her hands so that the trinket was in his again.

"Nor do I. Not when I finally have some." Cullen said, taking her hand instead.


	15. The Temple

Sili's mind was a thousand different places as her caravan made their way through the Arbor Wilds and into the campsite. This was their next fight against Corypheus and his forces and it was going to be a long one at that.

She was greeted immediately by Captain Rylan and the reports weren't good. Their forces were holding, but Corypheus' forces were slowly pushing back. Rylan believed that with their Master nearby, the Red Templars had renewed vigor. Corypheus was spotted heading towards elven ruins.

"We can clear a path through his armies."

"So all you have to do is stay alive and fend off his forces until I return." Sili said sarcastically.

"We won't flinch, not one of us. Andraste guild you, Inquisitor." Rylan bowed, ignoring Sili's comment.

Morrigan replaced Rylan at Sili's side and the two bantered a moment, but somehow that eased the tension in the Inquisitor's shoulders. The mention of the Temple of Mythal peaked her curiosity. It was a place picked out of elven legends and an eluvian lied somewhere inside. That was Corypheus' goal and Sili gathered her companions and raced towards the North.

Iron Bull, Dorian, and Solas followed her and Morrigan. Iron Bull and Dorian were her favorites, she couldn't lie about that, but the three of them made a great team. Solas, as much as he was an ass at times, was brought along for his knowledge. If he didn't know about the ruins, he might know about certain things within.

As they ventured into the heart of the forest, Inquisition forces were clashing hard with the Red Templars. Many of her allies she gained were in the middle of each fight, calling to her to run ahead or boasting about how well they were doing.

 _No, I will not just let these people die so I can run to a unknown ruin_ , Sili thought. Rallying her forces, Sili helped each time the Red Templar forces outnumbered her own. But there was something _wrong_ within the forest itself and everyone could feel it. Iron Bull noticed it first, saying that there were other _elves_ fighting.

"They aren't our forces." Dorian stated, looking around.

"Though they seem to be fighting Corypheus' forces, for now." Solas replied, "These elves... they seem... there is old magic here."

Sili looked to Solas in pure confusion, but could see he was uncertain as well, "Come on, then. The sooner we reach this temple, the faster we get answers."

The others nodded and began to race through the forest, fighting whenever they could help. Sili noted that the unknown elves were fighting everyone and a part of her hated killing them. They were probably just defending their home and could not see that her forces were just trying to stop Corypheus'. Sili's heart skipped though when she saw Cullen fighting.

"Go Inquisitor! The enemy has gone into that ruin." Cullen said between blows.

Again, Sili couldn't leave her forces to fight alone and helped until all the Red Templars were gone. Cullen nodded his thanks, but lightly gripped her hand and catching her eye, before rallying his troops. She smiled at him before heading into the ruins with her companions.

"You owe me, Bull." Dorian stated quietly, but the ruins echoed every word.

"Later..." Iron Bull replied and Sili could hear the promise in his voice.

Sili just smiled, but quickly focused on what was going on in front of her. She could hear the fighting before she saw it. They slowly walked from the hall, seeing bodies strewed about like toys as they all walked up the a stone railing. Kneeling down, her group watched as Corypheus' forces faced down elves.

One of the elves spoke, but even Sili couldn't understand most of it. Calpernia smiled at Corypheus, _the wretch mocks you Master_ , she said. Corypheus just walked passed her, causing the elven guardians to back away slightly.

"These are just remnants of the past. They will not keep me from the Well of Sorrows." He then addressed the elves, speaking loudly, "Be honored for your death will be at the hands of a GOD." He stated before walking towards the elves.

Sili looked to Morrigan and mouth _well of sorrows_ , but Morrigan could only shrug as they turned back to watch the exchange unfolding underneath them. The elves retreated back onto the bridge as two statues on either side began to glow. Their faces turning to Corypheus as blue magic began to build and as he took another step towards the Temple, the magic released, engulfing the darkspawn in blue.

He screamed with rage as his body began to melt, but he lashed out and grabbed one of the elves' head. Then, he just exploded, throwing everyone back. Sili was quick to recover and watched as a few of Corypheus' forces, including Calpernia, ran into the Temple.

After checking on everyone, her little group descended down and heading towards the Temple of Mythal themselves. They walked carefully through the bodies of Wardens and elves, Sili noting that a number of them were badly burned and she couldn't help the remorse feeling that washed over her.

Trying to push forward, her group began to cross the bridge when they heard a weird gurgling noise. Turning, they watched in horror as a Warden came to life, but the noise was him choking on blood. Worse, they could hear bone starting break and crack as his limbs began to grow in size. The Warden then screamed, but it soon turned into a growl as Corypheus' form began to take shape.

Sili had not felt this kind of terror since this all first began back in Haven. At first, nothing in her moved... not her feet or words. The others were clearly as shocked as she was, but it was when Corypheus' dragon appeared was she able to regain control.

"Move, go! Into the Temple!" She shouted, pushing Iron Bull.

The group ran as fast as their legs would go, the dragon's screams filling the air. Once they were all in the temple, they began to close the massive doors. The dragon blew fire at them and the door was closed before most of it had passed through, only a 'puff' that singed the roof.

"Come on, we need to hurry." Sili sighed, rushing down the next corridor.

For the hour, they crawled, ran, tried an ancient puzzle, and fought their way through the Temple's outer corridors, into the heart of the Temple, only to see Calpernia and some of her Vinatori jump down a crevasse. Between Morrigan and Solas, the ancient language was somewhat understandable, but Morrigan explained that she understood more than she let on and reasoned that they should go through the Temple and find a _true destination_ though there would be a terrible boon.

Sili had stayed quiet for a few moments, internally screaming and calming herself. _I knew Morrigan was up to more than she said. Maker's balls, Lelianna even warned me. Though this seems the better path, I still will not let her put her wants above this mission._

"Fine, let's see what this place has to offer." Sili sighed, leading the way down through another hallway.

Surprisingly, there were more of the floor puzzles and it took Sili a few tries on each to get the end result, but they were able to do all three in less than fifteen minutes. They could hear a noise like a huge lock being undone and raced back into the hallway where the crevasse was.

A door that had been hidden in the shadows was glowing slightly. Sili ran to it as fast as she could, wanting to get to Calpernia soon. They entered a very ornate room, nearly stopping to look at the beauty. The feeling didn't last as Sili felt a strange presence and sure enough, with a puff of smoke, elven archers were behind them and another was on a platform above them.

He spoke with wisdom as Solas did, but she could hear the threat in his voice. Understandable, they were trespassing and she did her best to ease the tension. It was then that Abelas granted his name to them in respect and explained what was actually in the Temple of Mythal. The Vir'abelasan, the Well of Sorrows, and Abelas was grateful that Sili wanted nothing, but to stop Corypheus and gave them another way through the Temple.

Solas and Morrigan quietly argued about the need of the Well; Morrigan nearly demanding that they get it, while Solas wanted to leave enough alone. Just before they left to follow the guide, Abelas stated that _no one would received_ _the gift_ and disappeared.

Morrigan followed, changing into a bird and flying after the ancient guardian. Sili wanted to scream in frustration, but knew they had to get through the Temple before she could do anything. Sighing, she looked over to see another Sentinel holding a book.

"I'm guessing that is our guide." Solas stated quietly.

The group followed her through the Temple passageways, avoiding all the fighting until she showed them a hidden cache. Nodding her thanks, Sili led the group through the door to where Calpernia and her Vinatori were killing off the Sentinel.

"You are too late, Inquisitor." Calpernia sneered, "I am to be the vessel and bring change to Tevintor."

"You're being used." Sili stated calmly, "Corypheus has other plans for you and the world."

"What proof do you have of these lies?" Calpernia asked.

"See for yourself." Sili replied, tossing the ex-slave the scroll they found, "He was testing this spell on your Master."

Calpernia read over the scroll and was livid. She asked to be allowed to leave, to go back to Tevintor and set things right and Sili allowed it against most of her companions liking. Ignoring them, they raced up to the Well of Sorrows where Abelas and Morrigan were squaring off.

After some very tense moments, Sili was able to calm Abelas down enough to see reason in _not_ destroying what they fought so hard to protect. Then he offered them the Well's secrets and Morrigan looked like a beggar seeing a feast. Every nerve in Sili's being scream a warning and, without thinking, took the Well for herself. Abelas had just nodded before disappearing.

If she hadn't pissed them off before, Iron Bull, Dorian, and Solas were angry now. Even Morrigan protested, saying she could handle the power better. That she had been doing so much to gain the powers needed to defeat all enemies.

"I have heard that so many times, Morrigan." Sili bit back, "You have been drooling since we got here. I have given you trust, but you keep _forgetting_ to tell me things or I am not _asking_ the right way. No! This is my history and I will not squander Abelas' gift."

"You may very well die, elf. Trying to save something that you don't even understand, like all your race!" Morrigan shot back, but more words died on her lips as she realized what she said.

"I would rather die, let all this power be wasted on my death... then let a Shem use it against me." Sili replied darkly, causing her friends to back up.

Without allowing anyone else to talk, Sili slowly immersed herself into the Waters. Taking a drink from her cupped hands, Sili screamed as pain ripped through her. The World grew dark like a stormy day around her. Voices called out, asking her why she was there. In her reply, Sili stated that Corypheus needed to be stopped and she would pay any price.

Sili felt a weird pain engulf her head and muffled voices. Her eyes were wild, tracking imaginary things as someone yelled for her, _Inquisitor_! Slowly, Sili's mind came back and she got to her feet. _Are... are you alright?_ She heard someone, probably Dorian, ask. Whispers drew around her and she looked up in time to see Corypheus staring down at her.

He screamed in rage and, using his powers, began to fly towards them, "Through the mirror!" Sili shouted, using the Well's power to open the portal. She ushered everyone through as Corypheus drew ever closer. A spirit of the Temple rose from waters in the cracks of the Well and gave her time to jump through herself. Morrigan closed the portal soon after Sili came through...

Sili and the others had no idea what became of Corypheus, but Sili feel to her knees as the adrenaline subsided and she tried to catch her breath. Iron Bull was there to help her back up and she nodded her thanks before sending them all off. Sili called for a runner and asked that once the Inquisition forces returned to gather the advisors, she would be in her quarters resting.

Morrigan stared her down a moment before walking off herself, but Sili ignored the Witch. Right now, she just wanted to rest...


	16. Home, but Gaining Ground

"I am pleased to report we won the battle, Inquisitor. When you went through that mirror, Corypheus and his archdemon fled the field. I'm not sure why." Cullen said.

"What he wanted was no longer within the Temple." Morrigan replied simply.

"Perhaps. He spent so long trying to get into the Temple, he probably couldn't have help his forces by that point." Cullen shrugged.

"Then... Corypheus is finished." Josephine jumped in, sounding almost giddy.

"If he is wise..." Lelianna said, looking to her, "He will hide and rebuild his strength before he attacks again."

Sili heard voices coming, like wind on a plain, _He will not hide,_ "He won't hide." Sili stated.

"You hear it. The Well speaks to you..." Morrigan sighed.

"It's...voices. Whispering from so far away I can barely hear them..." Sili replied, tilting her head.

"If only one who understood such voices had used the Well's power instead." Morrigan stated to Sili, but in her subtle way.

"Then we'd have to rely on _her_ interpretation of them and whatever she chose to tell us." Leliana shot back at Morrigan with just a hint more venom.

"Have I not been forthcoming enough for you, Spymaster?" Morrigan asked Lelianna before looking to Sili, "I told you what the Well _could_ have done, Inquisitor. You should be hearing shouts from the heavens, not whispers."

"I'm doing all I can, Morrigan. Just help me now to understand it." Sili pleaded, trying to regain the peace, "Isn't that what you are here for?"

"Earlier you said you knew what needed to be done next. What did you mean?" Morrigan asked, almost annoyed.

"The dragon isn't an Archdemon. It's a dragon in which Corypheus has invested part of his power. Kill it, and his ability to jump to another being is disrupted for a time. He can be killed."

Leliana looked surprised, "That's... no simple task. Corypheus alone is powerful, but with his dragon..." She looked to Josephine and Cullen.

 _Go to the Alter, Mythal will come..._ the Voices whispered again, "I need to find Mythal's altar."

Morrigan huffed a laugh at Sili, "Whatever Mythal was... being or myth..." Though Sili ignored her, pointing to where the altar would be, causing Morrigan to sigh more, "You are determined, so be it."

Morrigan nearly stormed out of the War Room, but slammed the door none the less. Sili wanted to cry at the conflicts that raged within her mind. One looked at her advisors told her that everyone was on edge.

"Are... you certain of this?" Josephine finally asked.

"Certain, no." Sili admitted, "We have no choice. If Corypheus attacks Skyhold now, we won't be lucky a second time."

"I will see to Skyhold's defenses in the meantime." Cullen assured.

Sili nodded her thanks and decided that she was going to walk around Skyhold herself and see what she might find. Though, her first thought was to go through the garden, but Sili didn't want to be near Morrigan for awhile and opted to go through the rotunda. Solas was there, painting his frescos, but Sili swore she felt anger radiating off him.

"Why did you do it?" He asked, whipping around to face her, "You gave yourself to the service of an ancient elven god!"

"Calm down, what does that mean exactly?" Sili asked, backing up a step.

"You are Mythal's creature now. Whether you know it or not, everything you do now will be for her, you've given up a part of yourself." Solas seethed and Sili couldn't tell if it was against her or against the gods, which made her think.

"You don't believe in the ancient god, why are you so angry?" Sili asked, crossing her arms.

"I don't believe they were gods. No, but I believe they existed. Something had to start the legends, so mages, spirits, things we've never seen... you are bound to one now." Solas sighed, his anger seemed to be melting away, "Better you than Corypheus, but the next logical question. What will you do with the power of the Well once Corypheus is dead?"

The question took Sili off guard and she thought about it a moment, "I would try and restore the world to what it was once was."

Solas actually smiled at her, "You would do that? Make it exactly as it once was?"

"Well, maybe not that exactly, try and improve other areas." Sili smiled back, "Why's this important?"

"You are... not what I expected. You have impressed me and I am grateful that I have been wrong. Forgive my melancholy, Corypheus has costs us much and the Temple of Mythal did not deserve such a fate."

"I understand, but we will get our chance to repay him, soon." Sili replied, "There is an Alter of Mythal in the Wilds that I need to get to, would you like to go?"

"Yes, I expect with Dorian and Iron Bull?" Solas asked, "Dorian, he seemed, distant when he headed upstairs, like something was on his mind."

"Yes, and I will go check on Dorian. Thank you." Sili nodded and made her way to the stairs. She found the Tevinter mage sitting with his nose in a book, looking troubled. Dorian was in another one of his 'my homeland' moods, but this time, Sili could relate and understand.

"After hearing what Abelas said, that the Imperium didn't destroy the ancient elves... it would ruin Tevinter's reputation, but he had a point." Dorian stated, walking around Sili, "What am I doing to help _my_ home? The answer is nothing. I sit here complaining, but I think I need to return home and do something."

"You're going back?" Sili asked, a hint of sorrow in her voice.

Dorian looked at Sili a moment before laughing, "Not until this whole Corypheus business is dealt with, my dear. You can't get rid of me that easily."

"Wouldn't want to waste all the glory on the rest of us?" Sili teased, slowly making her way back to the stair.

"By the Maker, no. The stories would be so dull..." He replied, a coy smile on his lips.

Sili smiled back before nodding and making her way down the stairs and out the main doors of Skyhold. She would have talked to Varric, but the dwarf wasn't in his usual spot, so the next logical place would the tavern.

Unfortunately, Iron Bull was off hiding somewhere, Sera drew her arrow and aimed it at Sili's face, and Cole was lost in his thoughts. The tavern was a bust so Sili headed up through the roof access to wander the rest of Skyhold. Though, she felt herself walking towards a certain Commander's office.

Getting closer, she could hear a lot of voices in his little office and Cullen handing out orders. Sili slipped in through one of the open doors and hid in the back corner and waited until he was done. He caught her eye and stumbled a moment before dismissing everyone.

He shut the door with both hands and hung his head between them in a loud sigh, "There's always something more, isn't there?"He said, looking to her.

Sili smiled at him, "Long day?"

He shrugged before heading to his desk, "I shouldn't complain, this war won't last forever."He started slowly moving papers as if looking for something without actually trying to find it, "When it started, I hadn't considered much beyond survival. But things are different now."

Sili pushed herself from her spot and made her way over to his desk, "What do you mean?" Worry evident on her voice.

"I find myself wondering what will happen after."Cullen looked at Sili with wild, but saddened eyes, "When this is over, I won't want to move on... not from you, but I don't know what you... that is, if you..."

Sili could have started laughing if Cullen wasn't so puppy-sick serious, so she settled on the best warming smile she could muster, "Cullen, you do need to ask?"

Sili walked up to Cullen and gently brushed the back of her hand down his cheek. Cullen closed his eyes at the touch and smiled, looking at her when he reopened them.

"I suppose not, I..."He started, having pressed Sili against his desk, he began to kiss her on the lips before trailing down to her neck. Sili leaned back a little more, then the sound of something crashing and breaking on the floor stopped them.

Looking around, Sili noticed that she had knocked a few of his ink bottles and other trinkets to the floor and looked to Cullen to apologize. The Commander just smiled and, with a swipe of his arm, cleared his desk and propped Sili on top. Sili was surprised and this gave Cullen an advantage at he leaned her over his desk and began kissing her again.

Sili was in heaven, having never seen Cullen like this and taking charge. She allowed him to take control, moving her body where he saw fit and ended up with her legs wrapped around him and her arms pinned above her. In a moment's realization, Iron Bull's 'advice' made sense as he once told her that even though she commanded the Inquisition, one day she would need to be one the receiving end. Back then, Sili had no idea what he meant as she felt she was always taking orders from Cassandra or Leliana...

Feeling hands on her chest and buttons slowly being pulled apart brought her back to the present, "Wait..."Sili stopped Cullen and he looked at her in horror. Sili could only guess and what he was thinking, but she just smiled at him and slowly eased herself off his desk and took his hand, "I think somewhere a bit more private would be nice, don't you?"

"Did you want to meet in your chambers?"Cullen smiled at her, "But I guess it wouldn't be any more private than here."

"There is one place..."Sili hinted, motioning to his ladder, "I've never been..."

Cullen's genuine smile returned and he went up the ladder, waiting at the top for Sili. Sili giggled and began her ascent, but slowed as butterflies began to fill in the pit of her stomach. Why now, after everything, would she be feeling nervous, but then the reality of the situation was dawning on her. She, Desilinaris Lavellen, leader of the Inquisition, was being invited to Commander Cullen's private room and she felt like a young private in his army.

Cullen reached out a hand to her, "Are you getting nervous, do we need to stop?"

"No!" Sili said, taking his hand quickly, "It's just... I've never felt like this... I've had to hold my emotions in check back with my clan and even more so now being the Inquisitor. With you, I don't have to and I don't know if I am doing this right."

"Believe me, you are..."Cullen smiled as he helped her up into his bed chamber.

Sili returned the smile and took a moment to look around, "There's a hole in your ceiling..."

"I know, don't mind. It doesn't get as cold as you think up here."Cullen replied, wrapping his arms around her waist and slowly kissing her neck, "We might need that later anyway."

Sili eased herself into his embraced and smiled, "By the Creators and Maker, Cullen Rutherford can make a joke. I have to tell Varric..." Sili laughed.

Cullen tightened his grip slightly around her waist, "You will do no such thing, my dear. That dwarf has enough and I still have some dignity left." He said, nipping her neck.

"Fair enough."Sili sighed, trying to hide the rest of her laugh.

Cullen turned her around and picked up where he left off, slowly undoing the buttons on her shirt. Sili was entranced by Cullen, how his body appeared ravenous, but his face could hold such a gentle appearance that even a child would feel safe. She felt her shirt fall off her shoulders and heaped onto the floor followed by her pants before watch Cullen step back a moment and stare at her.

Sili felt embarrassed for a moment before regaining herself and walked over to Cullen. She slowly, almost painfully for Cullen, undid his clothing, letting them drop to the floor, and leaving him in his smalls. She went to step back as he had, but he growly quietly as he picked her up and sat Sili on his bed. Cullen kissed her deeply as his hands roamed and messaged her body and limbs.

Before she realized it, he had her breast bindings off and discarded with the rest of her belongings. Now there was only one piece of clothing left on her that kept Cullen from taking her right at the moment, but he was almost avoiding the area completely. Sili understood that he wouldn't do anything without some hint from her...

Sili grabbed Cullen by the shoulders and pulled him down onto the bed with her, locking their lips together. Cullen moaned into her mouth as he steadied himself above her on the bed. A thousand thoughts ran through his head at once and his hesitation must have showed as Sili broke off the kiss.

"Cullen?"She asked, "What is it?"

"I..." Cullen stumbled on his words, "Are we good, is this okay?"

"You're not happy unless you are commanding... So Commander, what are your orders?"Sili said, a sly smile spreading across her lips.


End file.
